27 January 2017

And then you were six


Six. Actually six. I told him to stop growing the other day because I'm not sure I can really fathom the fact that I'm a mother to a proper child. I'll convince myself every year that this is the last year that he'll really feel like my baby still, but I feel like six is the last. Five was manageable, even though we had started our school journey it was just reception, he still needed me for lots, still retained a little baby roundness to his face. But that's all dropped away, he can read, he can write and he thinks he knows everything all ready.

Of course he still needs me, and there's that innocence still there. There's the belief, magic, wonder and make believe that's at it's peak but will all too quickly start to fade. He has such a curious mind, he wants to know all the facts, is fascinated by patterns and sums and he loves to tell you all that he knows.

This boy though, it's so hard to believe that I started writing this blog here because of the little bean that had started growing inside. All those thoughts and wonderings on how our lives would be once he was here. Then he arrived and changed it all and we spent those five years with just him. I can't believe how lucky I was to spend the majority of those years just being with him, showing him the world. To watch him grow has been a privilege. It's not been easy, and it's still not easy at all, in fact I feel like we're facing big challenges right now but he really is amazing.

I still find it so hard to take in that he's so grown up, to think back to him being just as small as Rohan is now. I long for more time with him when he was little, to step back in time and hold him when he was just a baby, or keep his little hand in mine for a while longer. It's that cruel reality that you wish away the hours in the day but before you know it years have sped by and you can hardly remember what their voice sounded like at that age or how their mannerisms have changed. I know I have all of this to come in one way with Rohan, it might not be the same of course, but I feel a little bit of mourning when I think back to Theo's childhood gone by. I want to do it all again, and yet I know when I was there I would miss this Theo now. But it's tough, five has been hard, but I'm really trying not to wish it away.

I feel bad that five has been difficult, it's been hard on him. He's had to adjust and learn to become a brother. His world of just us three was changed, and changed so dramatically. He had to see his brother, a baby, go through all that he did, experience us not being there properly for two months whilst he adjusted to all that change. He had to learn to share us after so long of it just being him. He's taken to it all so well, he loves his brother with so much adoration and care it makes my heart explode. Then we shook his life up once more and changed his school, we left the place where he's grown up, swapped the city for the countryside. He loves the countryside and being out here, and hopefully in the long run it will all work out, but two big changes in one year is a lot for an emotional five year old. On top of that we've been stressed and stretched thin, perhaps not being as patient as we can with all that we've been through this year ourselves.

But we'll get there. He's doing ok. There's a lot to take in with Theo, slightly different ways of behaving which are challenging and there may be a reason for that somewhere. He's incredibly bright and confident, people all seem to know his name and it just feels like he is open to learning so much. He can pick up computer games just like that, maths is his favourite and he loves making dens. He likes to dance, to build complex lego, to sit a read his beano to himself. He loves animals and learning facts about them. His favourite food is still pizza and filled pasta and we've still convinced him that he doesn't like fizzy drinks. He's not so fond of being kissed anymore, but will occasionally permit you to do so on the cheek and give you one back. He logical and literal, almost too much sometimes. He is kind, he likes to help people out and he loves to be given little tasks and instructions to complete (but that doesn't include getting dressed or putting his shoes on, because I don't think any child can do that when asked first time!). He has funny sayings and ways of speaking that he's picked up, his current favourite being "I'm deadly serious". He currently loves Harry Potter, Lego Nexo Knights, owls, star wars, furbys and angry birds.

But there we are, I'm sure there's a thousand more things about Theo that I could write, but it's hard to remember each individual thing, but they all add up to him. He's unique, not like other kids, and that can be hard, but amazing too. He's Theo and sometimes I can't believe that I've managed to document him growing up on here, but I'm so glad I have. I can't believe we've made it to six, six already! We survived those first five years and I think we've done a pretty good job. Theo you are great. And loved, so very much.



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