So it's been a little while since I have even clicked onto this blog, let alone had enough space to think about writing, but I realised that today is the last day of the year and thus perhaps I could squeeze in one last post to round it all off.
Now 2016 hasn't been the kindest of years, to me personally, to my family and it seems to the wider world as a whole. Things have happened that I would never have dreamed of, and I'm so unsure of the future and where we will all be going.
This time last year we were just getting ready for New years (I don't think I made it to even 10pm!) and readying ourselves for Theo to return to school and of course the arrival of the baby. I can't believe that he arrived just seven short days after and our world got turned upside down. I'm not going to go into my thoughts on all that happened a year ago, that's for a whole separate post that I've had going round my head for a while now. It seems as though I always need to do a breaking in post after a bit of absence, to ease myself in. I've got so many posts that I want to write but I just need a little time to do it. But I do want to say that even though this year has been tough there are so many things I have to be thankful for.
Of course, that Rohan arrived. However hard the next stage after he was born was, he still arrived. He was born safely and we got to hold him and look at his tiny face for a fair while before he was whisked off to NICU. Granted it wasn't what we dreamed of, but he was ok, I was able to birth him naturally, in a safe and comfortable environment.
The second, and probably the biggest thing I am thankful for is the NHS. The service we received and still receive throughout every step of our journey with Rohan has blown me away. They saved his life, cared for him, cared for us, supported us and did an amazing job. Yes there were frustrating moments, but without them there, and all for free, I can't even think of where we would be. Rohan has thrived through the services and teams who support us and I don't think I'll ever be able to say thank you enough. I hope to plan to do some things next year to give back a little of what we have recieved.
I'm also thankful for mine and Rob's family, who have supported us in so many ways. It's definitely not been an easy year for any of us, and we have all been fighting our own personal battles. But I do know that we are there for eachother, however difficult it may be.
I am thankful for friends and my readers for so much support. In those early days in hospital when I shared our journey and throughout this year I have been blown away by the words of kindness, love and support you have shown my family. They have lifted me up on days when I needed it most, celebrated all those little victories along side me and been there rooting for us. I can't begin to say how touched that has made me feel. To receive messages from strangers and friends alike, for acts of kindness and gifts, is all so much more than I could imagine. Thank you, thank you!
Lastly I'm thankful for this blog. It's helped me through some of my hardest days, acted as my therapy to write down my feelings and process all that has been going on. Sometimes I feel like I'm writing to no-one, to just let the thoughts escape my head for a while, but to know that somewhere my words reach out and help others, is really touching. Through sharing my journey I hope that I can help others share theirs too. I try to be as honest as I can, not as a gimmick, but because that's what I'm feeling. This space is my space, it is safe, it is honest and is mine to pour my heart out onto and share my family journey. I have so many ideas for the future, projects I want to get off the ground and I want 2017 to be the year I actually make things happen. To believe in myself more, to not give up, to not wait for things to come to me but to go out and actually MAKE things happen. If 2016 has taught me anything through its shitness, it's that bravery is everything. It's made me stronger, to know I can overcome things and that together we can hopefully make everything ok again.
Who's with me?!
See you in 2017