02 September 2015

The second child fear

So I am officially over half way through this pregnancy. 20 weeks, 140 days and a whole load of hours left to think about all that is about to change once more.

Last Thursday we had our 20 week scan, all is seemingly fine with the baby, apart from it being majorly uncooperative for certain parts of the anomaly scan meaning I have to return in a week or so just to try and get those parts checked and to know everything is all healthy and normal. So cue another week or so of worrying. I know that you can never find out everything that could potentially be wrong, but it sort of gives your mind a bit of ease to know that the baby is developing as it should.
But this is not my only reason for worrying. You may know by now that I am indeed quite a worrier, and recently I've been thinking about a whole host of things to make me feel anxious about the upcoming change.

I think most of these are fairly common thoughts to be having around this stage, but I thought I'd make a little list of the niggles that are keeping me awake sometimes. Also I think it helps to write them down to stop them going round my mind!

- Probably the most common, but not knowing whether I will love the new baby as much as Theo. I already feel like I'm not as focussed on the pregnancy as I was with Theo and just hope that I will have the same amount of love and devotion to give to this new little babe.

- Which leads me on to the feeling of not being able to give the baby all the time and attention that Theo has had. I know that perhaps because Theo will have started school I will at least get a good amount of time alone with the baby, which wouldn't have been possible had we had them closer together.

- I also worry about not being able to give Theo the same amount of time and attention that he's used to.

- I'm scared about not having enough patience for two children. Sometimes I find it hard enough to remain calm with just one child demanding my attention without having to split that in two.

- I'm worried how the tiredness of having a new baby is going to effect my ability to parent Theo and give him the support he needs in his first year of school.

- I'm worried about how the tiredness and divided attention is going to effect my relationship with Rob.

- I'm worried about the change in routine and loosing our evenings together and my freedom a little more.

- I'm scared that our family dynamic is going to change dramatically and how we will deal with normal life with a baby to look after too.

- I'm worried about loosing a little bit of my independence and need for alone time, I won't be able to sneak off to grab half an hour on my own as often as I probably need and I'm not sure how that will effect my mood and ability to stay calm!

There are probably a whole host of other worries that I've had and more that will appear, and I know that most of these are completely normal. I mean choosing to have another baby is quite a big decision and it's mainly the unknown that I am scared of. But saying that, from talking to friends and reading about people with second babies I know that once they actually arrive it just becomes the new normal and you somehow adapt and survive and can't really remember what your life was like pre two children (other than longingly remembering those uninterrupted lie ins...)
So any parents of more than one child please share your infinite knowledge and advice to try and slightly put my mind at ease! I know it will be hard, but I need to hear that I will hopefully manage!

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