21 February 2013

marriage


so as some of you may have already seen, as I posted a little photo on Instagram the other day, that we have booked our wedding!

I was excited, then I went 'oh shit, this is actually happening now'. Not that I don't want to marry Rob, because I do, but yikes it gives me the willys a little bit! To me I think the idea of getting married is way more scary than having a baby...

Oh and just to clear things up after my little rant about not receiving any flowers...the next day I got some lovely tulips delivered to my door from a mystery man. I then got a call at lunchtime and Rob asked me if I'd got the flowers which he had in fact ordered the day before, and then had to keep it a secret through my ranting as to not spoil the surprise! So romance isn't dead after all! (it's only a few days late, but I guess it's better to receive flowers on a day you don't expect them right?)

Anyway back to the wedding. So it's booked, its officially happening and we have started to plan. This part excites me, I've been going a little cray-cray on pinterest making a secret wedding board...so I don't know what I'm scared about. I think it just sounds so grown up, I'm going to have to call Rob my husband, and say at 'our wedding' numerous times in the future, and it just makes me feel really juvenile. Like we shouldn't be at this point in our life, that I can't possibly be old enough to be getting married, which is all just a distraction from the fact I don't think I can own up to the fact I'm not in my early twenties anymore...

But I was having a conversation with my friend (in New York!) about our wedding (cringe) the other day and she asked why we decided to get married. At first I found it really hard to put into words, because mainly it's just a feeling. A feeling that the time is right and we are ready to commit to each other. Before I met Rob I think I was fairly cynical of marriage, I didn't really see the point or what it changed, but then something switched.  I've been to a few weddings since, and really thought about the meaning of the vowels you exchange and wanting to stand up in front of all your loved ones and promise these things to each other. I think it's a lovely thing to do.

I understand now, after years of juvenile relationships, what a real relationship and even a marriage means.  A relationship to me is like a garden. The conditions have to be right in the first place to grow some roots, but the rest involves hard work, love, attention and patience. There will be good and bad seasons with unpredictable conditions, but hopefully with enough care and commitment the garden will flourish and produce things of great beauty, nourishment and reward. And at then one day, far in the future you'll be able to sit back, side by side and look at what you've created and worked at and all that you achieved.

I'm definitely ready to make that commitment to Rob, to work at our relationship through the good and the bad, to support each other, to love and to care through whatever life throws at us...plus I want to have a good party with all my friends and family!

So there you have it, a few thoughts on marriage. Not sure what else to say really!

(image from http://ruffledblog.com/vintage-philadelphia-wedding/)

4 comments :

  1. Marriage is a tricky one isn't it? Well, i thought so anyway! I am not really the marriage type. I never really wanted to, never had big dreams about my big day/dress/flowers/location/whatever and i'd happily be un-married but still with everything else I have now. The difference for me was that C really wanted to be married before we had kids & because i was indifferent to the whole thing, i happily married him. I was 24 when I got wed & it was a fab day!
    xxx

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    1. That's a sweet story! Glad you had a nice day, and I don't really think things change that much after you become 'married', not like in the old days anyway! We already have a life together, have accepted each others faults and have learnt how to survive together, and value our relationship the same, so guess it's just a good excuse to celebrate with all your friends and family..and wear a pretty dress!!

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  2. I like that your not 'omg we're getting married' and that you've thought it through and that its a nice little thing to show your loved ones your relationship and how committed you are to each other. In my opinion in regards to marriage the idea that being married shows you want to be with that person for the rest of your life isn't something I agree with. I think you can be with someone your whole life and raise children and be in love without the marriage part but I think if its just a nice celebration then I enjoy the whole sentiment of celebrating love. My friend is getting married and they already have a child etc, for her its just a good old get together and I think thats valid too! x

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    1. I totally agree! I believe that you don't have to be married to have a valid loving relationship, or to raise a happy, loving, together family. We're all different and all want to do things our own way, which is great. As I said to Lia above, I don't really think marriage changes anything in your relationship, but I guess for us it's a nice chance to get all the people we love together in one room and celebrate. I believe in the vows and the meaning behind them just as much now as I will do when we're married. I think marriage means different things to different people, but there certainly isn't anything wrong with not wanting to get married either...each to their own and I respect that!

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