08 June 2012

this little blog of mine

So you all know that I seem to have a troubled relationship with the Internet, and with social networks such as twitter, but recently I have been thinking a lot about the blog world and where I fit into it.

Before starting this blog I dipped in and out of reading blogs, and even had a little blog with my sister but that was about it. But when I was pregnant and had just recently finished university and went to live with my mum in a small village where I knew no-one I decide to start this little blog. I'm not even sure of my thought process but I think I just wanted somewhere to be able to write my feelings, worries and record my progress as I entered into this whole new world. I didn't have any friends going through the same thing, or even any friends where I was, so speaking these thoughts out loud to at least the Internet seemed to help. I didn't advertise or put my blog out there, it was just my tiny little corner of the Internet where I could ramble away. It didn't even care if people read it, and wasn't sure if anyone did. In fact I wasn't really sure how people would even find it, but some did. You see I'm not very Internet savvy, I don't know any HTML, I wasn't on twitter and I'm pretty crap at browsing and spending hours online. But slowly people did read my blog and I 'met' some nice people going through the same thing especially Janet who was at pretty much the same stage as me, and is was great to chat and compare notes as it were. And for that I'm really glad I started this blog.

 As time went on I found more people were reading my blog, and when people told me they read it I was glad, but it sort of made me feel weird. I was slightly embarrassed and then felt conscious of what I was writing. It no longer was a place just for me to write whatever I was feeling, without having to censor it. I became conscious of what I was writing and what I should be saying, and sort of felt like I had to perform in a way? I hope that I have still kept up some of the integrity of my blog, but sometimes I feel guilty if I haven't posted in a while, or feel like I should write certain types of posts to conform to this whole mummy blogging thing. My blog has never had a genre really, it's not a lifestyle blog, it's not a fashion blog, it's not a food blog, perhaps it's a mummy/parenting blog, but to me it's still just a place to share some of our life (not all of it by far) and a place for me to personally record our life and to have something to look back on. Of course it's great to be able to write a post and ask for help and advice (for which I'm so grateful for all that I receive) but that's about it. I don't write reviews, sometimes I post things from pinterest that I find interesting to help me out with something, like my haircut or making a tipi, but this isn't a regular feature. By the way this isn't an attack on anyone or anyone's blog who does these things, I love reading them and find them inspiring, but is just not what I do.

 So what is the point in writing this post if I know what this blog is for? Well it's because sometimes I feel pressure and even jealously(?) that my blog should be doing more. That I should be promoting it more, putting it up on top baby blogs (I've registered it, got the button, but never got round to putting it up for some reason)doing reviews, trying to get sponsors and more readers, and posting more. Sometimes I feel like I'm lazy and I should put myself out there more, network and make my blog work for me, but then I realise I'm not that type of person. I'm terrible at networking, and I'm actually shyer on the Internet that I am in real life, where sometimes it seems as though people can create new personas online where they are outgoing, creative, chatty and interesting, when in real life they are not so much. It also makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong, I think to myself 'how did that blog get so popular? They're not writing much more differently than I am, or writing about that differ subjects, they are posting some nice photographs, but I like to think that I sometimes post nice photographs too, and blah blah blah' and suddenly it feels like I'm back in school again and it's all just a huge popularity contest. I never was the most popular in school. I had my group of friends and I was happy with that, and I didn't have to try to be anyone else just to 'fit in'.

And that's what I think I have to remember with this blog. That I write it for my own reasons, and it has it's own purpose for me, and that I really shouldn't or don't need to make it into anything that it isn't. Who cares if I don't have 23,4580000 followers or even 100, I have met a small handful of other lovely wonderful bloggers through it, who I genuinely and regularly speak to, and whose blogs I love reading in return. It's a small world that I can keep on top of. I know my family and friends enjoy reading this blog and keeping up to date with our family life and I'm happy to keep it that way. And hopefully one day when Theo is older we can look back at this blog and see not how many followers or page views I received, but at what I captured, recorded and remembered.

 edit: i changed the last bit, because I do love receiving comments, that's the great part about blogging!

9 comments :

  1. I really like what you said in your last sentence. It's nice to get comments and engage with people, but my main aim is to record as much as I can for us to look back on.

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    1. thanks, I'm glad you understand! and actually you just made me realise I didn't mean comments, I love receiving comments and talking to people, that's what makes some of it worth it! I meant more numbers and statistics!

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  2. I have just written a similar post! I am glad I am not alone. Twitter especially is giving me a bit of a complex... :/

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    1. Good post! Yeh I'm glad other people feel the frustration of it all really, and can't imagine when it's for your business too! All that networking is definitely too much for me! But I love reading your tweets they always make me laugh, especially the boring bus ones!

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  3. I went through something similar not too long ago. I have been blogging for 10 years this year, and it was only when I was pregnant, and came across the whole mummy blogging scene, that I started to 'care' about it all. Then I realised I really really didn't. I've always just blogged for myself, because I wanted a place to write that stuff down, and that had stopped happening. I got a bit invested in the sidebar widgets and the follower counts and the tots100 rankings and I didn't have a lot of fun writing stuff down anymore, as it was all a bit of a performance. It was all to maintain the numbers. So I stopped. I've hardly posted this year, because I've returned to posting for me. I got rid of the widgets and stopped looking at the rankings and now I just post when there's something I want to say. In fact, you have inspired me to write about this right now!

    I am very glad to have 'met' you through our blogs, and a lot of the other people I have 'met' through the mummy blogging world, as I don't think my parenting journey would have been the same without you. Let's get back to the enjoyable blog writing!!

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    1. Phew glad you know exactly the way I'm feeling! It's definitely easy to get caught up in it all, but I'm glad I can sort of realise that it's not for me, or not what my blog is for. It's great that people can get sponsorship and make money out of their blogs, and if that's what works for them then that great, but I just think its not the way for me!

      I do miss your posts though, but completely agree that if you don't really have anything to say then it shouldn't matter if you post or not. But glad that we've been able to follow each others journeys and hopefully one day we will meet in real life!

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  4. You write this so well abbi. i feel i can slip into that competitive thing about blogging...although i'm no where near having actual paid sponsers on my blog. but i do sometimes care about how many flipping page views i've had...very odd as that is not why is started it. i'm steering well clear of twitter. i have no time for that!
    i love reading your blog - it feels truly honest what you post and i will always come back to read it.
    it's surely quality not quantity after all!!!

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  5. It's crazy isn't it, how you can get sucked into it all, but I think it can be a good thing if you want to attract more readers to your blog that's fine, and I think as long as your posts stay honest and original then there's nothing wrong with it. I just get tired of blogs trying to be like other ones just to gain popularity, but I don't think you are in danger of that at all! I love all your posts too and your design! X

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  6. I think you can tell that you write your blog for you and for your family; and that is partly why I like reading it. This post stuck a chord for me, I sometimes want to write quite a 'boring' post about what we've been up to - for me to remember - and then I think maybe my 'readers' won't like it, so I have to remind myself that my blog is for me and as much as I love comments and having followers, that is not the REASON I blog.

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