31 January 2011

Baby blues

Hi! Still in hospital, lucky us!

We found out yesterday that even though Theo's infection has gone down a bit, it's still there so he needs the full five days of antibiotics. That means that hopefully we'll be out on Thursday morning. Luckily I got moved to my own room yesterday, which is so so much better. Yesterday there was a horrid women in the bed next to me. She just kept on complaining about everything. She also went out for a ciggarette and then complained that her chest hurt. She went out for a smoke a day after giving birth. She said that she was going to give up because it hurt her chest, glad to see that she would give up off her lungs but not her baby when she was pregnant. It made me feel sick and sorry for the baby.

Anyway enough about that before I get really annoyed again. I've had lots of visitors mainly from my family. My sister came over from Spain and is going home tomorrow, I'm a bit gutted that I wasn't at home to spend more time with everyone.nitmmakesmme so sad that the people I war to be in Theo's life are so far away. We've been trying to make the most
Of the visiting time, but it's been hard to juggle everyone so they can all get enough time with the baby, but it never seems enough time with the people I really want to be there.

So everything has been going pretty well with Theo. He's a very happy relaxed baby. But last night was hard, I think it's because my milk has come in now so feeding is different so last night he got all wound up and I tired everything I could to calm him. It's hard when you're the only one there to calm him, and because he can smell my milk it winds him up even more. In the end I had to get the nurses to take him away for a little bit to calm him. That's one good thing about being in hospital still, there's always people to help. But I got really upset and thought I had failed. The nurse reminded me that it's my hormones flaring up, as usually happens when your milk comes in.

Things are better today though, we'll just have to seemhow tonight goes!

Still can't Penang pictures up, but he's so cute!

29 January 2011

Progress and scares

So here I am still in hospital.

Yesterday was a bit intense because I thought I might be able to go home. All I had to do was be able to feed him by myself twice, and I had already once. Then he was sick and it was green. This is not good as it may mean infection or blocked bowels. They had to come and check him, then take him to the intensive care ward for a blood test and an x-ray. It was all really scary and upsetting. If the X-ray shows blocked bowels then he would have to go to the childrens hospital for more tests and possibly an operations.

Luckily the X-ray was clear and they are treating him with antibiotics for an infection. He probably got the infection during labour because he passed meconium inside me. But he is well and happy and feeding well now with no help! I just have to stay on for two more days, then they have to see if he is ok if not it's three more days in hospital.

It was such a horrible horrible feeling when they came and took him away. I hadn't been apart from him at all and it was heartbreaking. It made me realise how scary and delicate he is, and how much worry such a little person can cause you.

So that's all!

28 January 2011

Baby!

I'm posting from hospital! All is well after 2 days in hospital!

So little baby Theo was born at 2.28am on Thursday the 27th of January. He's beautiful and perfect!

Will try and post a photo later, hopefully I will be going home tonight, if I manage to feed him twice by myself because been having a little trouble so far. Then I will post my birth story! How exciting!

Xxx

26 January 2011

guuuuush

So! This morning at about 5 my waters broke, in bed. It wasn't so much of a gush but a leak, and I've been leaking ever since, it feels like I'm wetting myself all the time and can't control it!

Yesterday I went to the midwife and she gave me an examination and a membrane sweep. Then when I got home I got my mucus plug and started to have stomach pains...then my waters broke, and I began having contractions every ten minutes or so..but they seemed to have slowed down again so I'm trying to walk around and get things going again. Because my waters have broken I have to go into hospital and get checked out, at 11, so they'll either send me home or keep me in! I hope things move quickly!

That's all for now! Maybe my next post will be featuring a baby!

25 January 2011

A hand please?

So here we are, day five overdue and still nothing! But today I have midwife again, so I think they are going to do an examination, down there, and a cervical sweep. So fingers crossed that might get things moving!

Yesterday we had a busy day, we went swimming in the morning, then met up with my friend to have a coffee and see her baby. This is the same baby who's nappy I changed! Rob held him for the whole time and he was just asleep in his arms, it was very sweet. I can't wait to see Rob hold our baby!

Speaking of Rob, yesterday we had bad news, and he didn't get the job that he went for. All he got was an email from the guy saying so. It is really really annoying, and quite heartbreaking, as it seems as though all we have is bad luck. The job would have been perfect, and according to our friend who works there, there was nothing between Rob and the other guy who interveiwed, and infact they thought Rob would fit it in there more than the other guy. The only thing they did say is that this other guy had more 'customer service' experience than Rob, and that could be the reason. It was just such a blow. I know we shouldn't put all our hopes on one thing, but this time it just seemed as though we had been given a helping hand, and shown a bit of luck, and things might have started to get a little bit easier in money terms and in Rob's job happiness.

Rob has to find another job, because well apart from hating it working at Game, they can't offer him full time hours. Which would mean we definitely wouldn't be able to afford to live in our flat,  because we are just, and only just scraping by now. It just seemed as though the other job came up at a perfect time, and was right for him in a lot of ways, and that fact he did really well at the interviews, and should have got it really. But alas yet again things don't work out the way you want them too, and we'll just have to look for something else. I hate this position, because all the pressure for working and making the money is on Rob, and that's not fair. I wish I could help more, but I don't know what I can do!

So that's all for now. I just really really hope the baby comes soon, so we can focuss on that!

23 January 2011

Day three

MY GOD, come out baby come out!

I'm fed up, and also a little offended, why does the baby not want to come out and meet us? I don't believe that we will ever actually have the baby, and I will stay pregnant and fat for ever. After all the excitement of the other day nothing has happened. I keep hoping that I wake up in the night and things are starting, but no, another eventless night has just occurred ( I know that when /if the baby EVER comes I will be glad of these few extra nights) I really really did not want to go over very much, and by the feel of things, he's going to be in there for about another 2 and a half years...

I've done my job well, I've carried him for the time I was supposed to, didn't have any Stilton over Christmas...and the baby can't even do the one thing he's supposed to do...bloody come out!

(I feel bad, dear little baby, it's not your fault, I just want you out already)

But actually I keep on having realisations that very very soon we will actually have a baby, and that it's going to be very very different. But I feel ready for the change now (I think) but I'm still scared, very very scared.

Right I'm going to plan a massive day of action and adventures, so that when I'm being busy and not thinking about the baby coming out, he can start to come and ruin all of our plans. I'm tired of sitting around waiting for him.

22 January 2011

I spoke too soon

So it seems as though I scared the contractions off. They were only mild, but they started about 11, and carried on until about 4, but got more and more apart until they just disappeared all together. We went out for another walk about for half an hour, and I came home and ate some more pinapple but to no avail! Went to bed early in case anything started up again in the night, but here I am, the next morning still with nothing happening.

I guess they were just beginning twinges, and wasn't the start of labour. We'll just have to see how today goes, but I think I'm going to try and stay active. Might even go swimming! So fingers crossed! It feels like it has to be soon though...

21 January 2011

Development?

Hi!

So I don't want to get people's hopes up, buuuuut, last night I had some bloody discharge (nice!) and today I've got constant lower back pain and pains at the bottom of my stomach, that get stronger...we've been trying to move things along, just went for a walk and drinking some pinapple juice...and some other 'methods'....

But it might just be the beginning, and nothing may happen for a while! But if defs feels a bit different!



20 January 2011

Today's the day!

So today is the long awaited due date. Nothing is happening. It's weird, you spend so long thinking about this one date, and telling people this date, and when you get to it, it doesn't feel very significant. Just another day of waiting.

I've been having period like pains, quite dull ones, but pains non the less for a few days. This morning I got up early and decided I needed to clean out the fridge, plus do lots of other cleaning and tidying. Yesterday we spent the whole day inside doing nothing, so I really felt like I wanted to get out of the house today. Rob and I went into the centre to have a look round some shops. We also had a voucher for the Giraffe restaurant, so we went for lunch. It was really nice to have a spontaneous lunch out, and is probably one of the last chances to do so. It's was nice walking out and around, and felt like a nice day out! But now I'm tried!

So we'll just have to see how the next fews days go, but for now I'm just going to have a cup of tea and put my feet up!




 EDIT whoops, after a few very moody conversations with family members (sorry!) I decided it would be a good idea to have a nap as I was tired and cranky, and fell asleep until 8 when Rob woke me up! I was going to post this ages ago!

So stay tuned, hopefully some developments will happen soon!

18 January 2011

Not yet!

So to all of you so desperately waiting for news, no I haven't popped yet! Still two days to go til my due date!

I didn't realise how many people were keeping an eye on the dates, I've had lots of messages and phone calls asking 'have you dropped yet?' etc...but for me I'm just carrying on as normal, until something happens! But it's very nice to know so many people are thinking of me!

I went swimming today which felt really good, because it's so relaxing! Also I had my midwife appointment, hopefully my last, which went well! Everything still seems ok, and I'm still measuring completely average. The midwife was getting very confused when trying to feel the baby, because he's either got his head really down low, or he's breech. But I'm pretty sure he's just down low, I hope anyway! I've been having a dull period like ache in my stomach all day, and the midwife seemed to think that hopefully things were happening! If not I'll go back next week for an examination and a sweep...eeek.

I watched one born every minute last night, and the girl who had the water birth was amazing, I want my birth to be like that!

So I'm sure I'll keep you updated, might even try and mid-labour post or something, if I can manage it!

But nearly there, oh so nearly there!

16 January 2011

Safe and Sound

Hello, so we made it to Devon and back in one piece, with no baby deciding to make an appearance, thank god!

We had a lovely time with Rob's grandparents, getting thoroughly spoilt! Yesterday we arrived at lunchtime and I got to taste Rob's grandmas infamous home made chips, and I have to say they were lovely! Then we just sat around talking and looking at photo albums of Rob's family. I then had a very welcomed bath, as I haven't had one since Christmas time (I have been showering though ok?) as we don't have a bath in the flat. I think the baby likes being in the bath, and we play a little game where I splash water over my belly and he wriggles around...

This morning we went for a walk along the seafront in Teignmouth and around the town, and it was really nice to imagine going there when we have the baba and walking around with him.

I feel like I'm ready now, and I'm really excited to meet him now. I think it was after seeing the baby on Wednesday, and feeling a jealous that I didn't have our baby yet...It's very strange knowing that any day now something could happen, officially there's 4 days to go! Just 4! Can you believe it? It seems like so so so long ago that I started this blog and counting down the months, now its a matter of days (hopefully)

Today I was looking in the mirror at my stomach, and finally saw how bloody massive it is. This sounds weird, but now it feels like instead of the baby being inside of my stomach, he's just attached to it, growing on the front of my body. You can see where he is, and it's like his own space, and nothing to do with my body anymore. See it's strange..I can't really explain it! Perhaps I should show you:


As glad as I will be not to have another thing taking over my body, I think I'm going to miss having the baby with me all the time. It's going to be the end of that weird special relationship we have, of feeling every little movement, and knowing that there is a baby, my baby growing inside of me. Once he's born he will truely be a separate individual little person, and that's weird!

...

So here are some photos of our little trip!







15 January 2011

The journey

So I thought as things could happen any day now I would post a little picture journey of the growing bump. There are a few gaps, because I'm slack, but hopefully you can see the progress. It seems as though there was no bump, then suddenly Hello!

13 weeks

14weeks

15 weeks

16 weeks

17 weeks

19 weeks

20 weeks

22 weeks

25 weeks

26 weeks

27 weeks

29 weeks

30 weeks

31 weeks

33 weeks

36 weeks

37 weeks

38 weeks

39 weeks


 So there you go! Today we are going on a risky adventure, we're driving to Devon to see Rob's grandparents. Hopefully the baby won't come on the way! So I'll keep you posted!

12 January 2011

Babies

So this evening we went to our friend's house to meet their two week old baby boy, Sam. We met them at our ante-natal class, and chatted to them a bit there, but have never seen them outside of that, other than when we bumped into them in Sainsburys. The baby was asleep and stayed pretty much asleep the whole time we were there. He was very sweet, and both Rob and I held him whilst he made funny sleep faces and little baby squeaks. We chatted about labour and baby related stuff, but also about work and other non-baby related stuff, which was good. As it turns out Rob has a job interview tomorrow at the place where Matt works, and he will probably be interviewing him! Which is pretty good, so fingers crossed it all goes well, I'll say more about it another time, just want to wait and see what happens first.

So even though we only saw a little bit of their lives with the baby, it all seemed ok, manageable definitely. This is after yesterday when I had a bit of freak out after I went to see my other friend's baby. He was sweet too, but the whole time I was there he was having to be fed, and was being quite grizzly. Of course every baby is different, and they all go through different stages, but from the sounds of it, it seems as though it's been pretty difficult for her. I'm sure that it's not all the time, and that perhaps I just caught a bad moment, and that is what babies are like anyway, but I just got worried again about how I was going to cope, and got scared about devoting pretty much every waking second to the baby.

I know that it will be different when it's your own baby, but I was really nervous to hold him. He was still really small at 4 weeks old, and felt very fragile! I got a go at changing his nappy, and he kept on doing loud farts which was funny! I've never changed a nappy before and my hands were shaking! Getting him dressed was tricky too because I didn't want to hurt him...it was strange!

I'm sure I'll get used to it all soon enough, but at least tonight soothed me a little bit, and made me really excited again!

...

Rob finishes work this Friday, and will be on holiday for potentially 5 weeks, depending on what happens with the interview. We are going to make the most of our last weekend and drive down to stay with his Grandparents in Devon for the weekend. I've has really itchy feet recently and want to go on one last adventure with Rob. Then the baby can come after that, you hear me baby, any time next week would be fine!

So as of tomorrow only 7 days to go! BLIMEY!

10 January 2011

Positive thinking

Hi everyone! Perhaps a bit more of a positive post today!

This week I'm going to see babies!! Tomorrow I'm going to visit my friend Jess, who had her baby just before Christmas, a little boy called Oliver. Also on Wednesday night we are going to visit our friends from antenatal class who had their baby on the 27th..they didn't know what they were having, and they also had a little boy called Sam. I'm really excited, I'm hoping that seeing (and hopefully holding!) babies will make me feel a little bit better about feeling scared, because who can be scared of a sweet newborn baby? Also I'm hoping that by being around other babies, my peach will get jealous and come out to see us soon!

I am feeling a bit better about the babs. I wouldn't go as far as to say I'm excited, because I feel that there's way too much to think about in a way and still be anxious, but I really really want it to happen! I keep on imagining just holding and looking at the baby, and taking him out and about, feeding him, playing with him and washing him.  I can and can't imagine what it will be like at the same time. It's weird. Sorry I have a habit of completely contradicting myself. I also can't wait to see Rob with the baby, and probably feel my heart melt completely, it already makes me feel quite emotional just thinking about it. We're going to be a family.

...

I think we've got everything ready, so all we have to do is wait! I even bought some snacks from the supermarket for my hospital bag! I have started to let myself think about the labour a bit. I am scared of that, I think, but I also know that it's a necessary process and pain (eek) that I have to go through to get something amazing at the end...pain with a purpose! And imagine what I get at the end of it! A little tiny baby!

Oh that reminds me, I had my 38 week check up last week, and everything seems to be fine. Just got to keep an eye on my platelets still. I'm measuring bang on average and no signs of the baby being massive, so I can stop feeling paranoid about having a humongous baby!

Right time for a photo update, which could be some of the last ones!



As you can see I pretty much ready to pop! Also notice my very attractive jogging bottoms, which actually belong to Rob. They are the most comfy things to wear ever, and at the moment comfort wins over style. Plus today Rob had the day off, and we haven't left the house all day. We had a complete lazy day and just hung out, which was great!

Right that's all for now, I'll keep you all updated as and when things happen! Any day now, only 10 to go!

oh and p.s a very happy birthday to my dear sister Sarie! The baby didn't come and steal her thunder afterall!

07 January 2011

Regret

AAhhh. I'm not really sure what is happening, but I keep on feeling little slices of regret. I know it's just normal anxieties, but sometimes I find myself thinking, "I wish I wasn't having a baby". That's a really harsh thing to think, and whenever I think about the little thing inside me squirming around I feel awful.

It's little things that set me off, stupid things, like lying on the sofa watching tv with Rob, and thinking, this is all going to change in a few weeks. I think also it's because I know its going to change, but I can't imagine how it's going to be. Also I know it's eventually going to happen, but I have no idea when, and sometimes it doesn't seem as though it ever will. Like we'll constantly be counting down. I know I've said all this before, but I'm really really worried and scared about things changing, and how we're going to manage. I just can't fully relax and enjoy these last few weeks, because I know they are just that, the last few weeks. I know things are going to change, and hopefully it will change our lifes in an amazing way, but I just get scared that I'm really not ready for that change, and want to hang on to the way things are for longer.

I can't really describe how I feel, but its this feeling of anxiousness and fear. It makes me feel sad and also a bit desperate about what we are about to lose.

I know at some point I'm going to look back on this post and think I was mad to be saying this, but it's what I'm feeling. I feel bad for the baby for thinking this, and I'm so glad that he does exist and will very soon be with us, and that I love him a lot already, but I'm bloody scared!

This post doesn't really make much sense, but I think I just needed to get something out...

04 January 2011

Violet

hi!

I hope everyone had a good new years, and is looking forward to the year ahead! I am!

But at the moment I feel pretty rubbish and ready for this pregnancy to be over! I feel like Violet Beauregarde, as everything has swollen up and I'm just so huge, I need to be popped!

My hands have swollen up, my knees are starting to really hurt, as are my hips that are softening, my back hurts if I walk anywhere, I keep on getting stitch like pains all over my belly when I walk for long(ish) periods of time and I'm starting to get more Braxton Hicks with my stomach cramping and tightening for a short period of time! Come on baby, come out!

...

My cousin visited me on Sunday, which was really nice. We have been saying for probably years that we should try and meet up more than just once a year at Christmas, or family funerals. So she drove over to Bristol to see me and my sister. It was lovely, we went for a milkshake and shopping in habitat, then had dinner and played on the Wii. My sister, who has been staying for a week and a half went home that night, which was sad. Grace stayed over and the next morning, yesterday, we went into town to have a look in some shops.

Looking at all these nice clothes, that fit normal body shapes made me want to have my normal body back more than ever! I'm excited to be able to walk normally, sleep normally and get up off of the sofa properly.




...

Last night I had really weird baby dreams. I dreamt about having the baby, and it was a little boy, but then it turned into a kitten. I also dreamt about breast feeding the baby, and changing it's nappy, and being at a festival with a little toddler and Rob. It felt really real (apart from the kitten bit) and I felt a lot of love for the child, which was sometimes a girl aswell.

I am so excited to meet this child, who will be mine. Who will have part of me and part of Rob, and will grow up and develop into it's own person. How amazing! So nearly there!

...

Rob and I are having a date night tonight, we're going to go out for some food, and then tomorrow go to the cinema. I'm excited about this, as it feels like it's been so long since Rob and I have done anything just the two of us, and this will be the last few chances to do that....without having to organise babysitters and things like that. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Scary.

So I'm very nearly 38 weeks...here are so pictures of the beast:


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