18 December 2010

I'm scared

Today was my 3rd day inside, by myself, doing not much at all. I sorted out baby clothes, cleaned and sat on the sofa. Once again I spoke to my family.

It's a bit of a catch 22, because sometimes I really hate being by myself, with nothing to do, but I also feel like I should make the most of being able to do nothing at all! It's been snowing so I don't really want to risk going outside and slipping over, but I also feel a little bit like I'm getting cabin fever.

This evening I was speaking to my sister, and suddenly, out of nowhere got upset (thanks hormones). I got upset about being scared for the baby arriving. The main thing that I'm scared about is not having any time to myself. Which is weird because today I was really bored, and wished that the baby was here already so that I was busy and my day had a purpose. But I think now that the time is getting closer and closer it's getting all the more real. I keep on thinking that this is the last time I will be able just to sit around and do nothing, without someone else to worry about. Also I keep on getting worried about how there is only 5 weeks of it just being Rob and I.

I know these are all normal feelings, but sometimes they just catch up with me, and come out. I'm really excited, but I know things are going to change. I don't think it is going to change mine and Rob's relationship for the worst, and I'm really glad and excited that we are going to get to share this experience together, and get to know eachother really well, but at the back of my mind I wish we had longer just me and him. I keep on getting stressed and precious about the time we have together left, just us.

I know it's just my hormones, and the fear of the unknown, but the closer it gets the more anxious and worried I'm getting about how it's all going to turn out.

...

I haven't even really thought about being scared of giving birth, or fears of not knowing what to do with the baby, whether I will know how to do everything. I guess those worries will come soon! Oh joy!

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