24 October 2010

My favourite topic

So, what a funny couple of days it has been.

Firstly I'm writing this from my sisters house, in Canterbury, where I have come to visit for the weekend. But more of that later.

On Friday we had our very first antenatal appointment. We were given a choice of starting them now for 5 weeks, or waiting a month more to start them. We decided to do them now as it would be close to Christmas when we would be finishing the later one. But I sort of wish we had decided to to do the later one, because most of the women who were there were due around December time, with only one couple due a few days after us. I just think perhaps it would have been better to be around people who are closer to our date.

Also Rob and I were by far the youngest people there. Because of the area we live in, the type of people there having a baby are married professional couples, who have more than likely waited and planned to have their first baby. Everyone seemed perfectly nice, and I even recognised a few faces from my yoga class, but considering these classes are supposed to be a great way to meet other people, we didn't really talk to anyone at all. Maybe this will change after a few sessions, but we felt a little bit on the outside.

The class itself was really good, first we had a midwife, who did the best impressions of women in labour. It was very strange and I had to stop myself from laughing a few times because she went into this weird trance, complete with swaying, groaning and heavy breathing. It was a very impressive re-enactment. She just talked us through the different stages of labour, and what happens.

After this we had a physio, who was this funny older lady who told us about different exercises we should be doing.

So all in all it was a good experience. I was very glad that Rob was there too, because sometimes I feel as though its just me going through it, but when he is there I'm reminded that this is happening to both of us.

Also the idea of giving birth doesn't scare me I realised, but it intrigues me. I sort of looking forward to it happening because I just can't imagine what it's actually going to be like, and what I'm going to feel, as it's one of those things that you have to experience for yourself, no matter what other people tell you. Also it's an experience that women have been going through since the beginning and being part of that and doing what my body is made to do is an exciting experience.

...

After this we went food shopping, when we came home we were attempting to put our shopping away, when Rob's dad came to offer 'advice' on where to put things. By this point I think we had had enough of him offering advice, and Rob and his dad got into an argument. Basically it didn't end too well, and a lot of things came up. I think since we have been there, there have been a lot of things that haven't been dealt with in the best way. Some of this is my fault, because I don't feel in a comfortable position to be able to communicate my side of things, therefore Rob is stuck in the middle being the messenger between his parents and me.

There are many problems with living with his parents, and as you all know quite well, I can't wait to get out. But it seems as though we are stuck there for the time being.

My main problems are that everything I do seems to be wrong and criticized. Understandably I have had to change the way I do things to fit into their way, because it is their house, but even so I'm still told that everything I do is wrong. It seems as though there is no balance at all, and that they are not willing to be adaptable at all to the new situation. There are many things that I could comment on and say what they do wrong, because it is different from the way I do it, but I don't, I hold my tongue, but that doesn't seem to be the case with them. Every little thing that is done slightly differently is commented on.

Also they seem to have forgotten that we are actual paying tenants in their house, and that if they had real lodgers paying them money, then they would not be able to speak to us the way they do and interfere with everything we do. If they want to treat us like children still living at home, then surely we should not be paying rent. But seeing as we are, we need to be respected as real tenants, with a level of freedom and privacy and respect.

But for now, I think the best I can do is bring up these points. But as I said before I don't particularly feel comfortable and like my voice will be repsected. His parents seem to be oblivious to the fact that I'm pregnant, and that I may be going through quite a lot of emotions and finding it quite hard dealing with all the changes that are happening to me and my life.

Yesterday I had a chat with them about arranging the rooms, and furniture we are going to keep and bring in. It seemed as though I had some say. But later I spoke to Rob and he had spoken to his parents and it just seemed to be back to the usual way of them telling Rob how things are going to happen. I just don't think it's a fair deal, because of Rob being their son, they have control over him and therefore over what we do, and I feel they exploit this quite a lot.

Sorry this is a long post, and it doesn't really make sense.

But I'm going to see how sorting out the rooms goes, and then being able to live in two rooms instead of one turns out. But I know, for the sake of my mental health and the baby, I don't want to live there after it is born. I know I will be able to get more help from the government once I actually have had the baby, so hopefully that will mean we can get out an afford our own place. So all I have to do is try and make things work for the next few months, save as much money as possible, then get out.

...

So yesterday I drove to my sisters. I think doing a long journey and being in my car by myself, just with space to think, was enough therapy for me. It's one of the best feelings, having my own car, that I can just take and go somewhere, when I please, as it's the one and only thing that is my own and that they have no control over.

I'm really glad I came away, I needed to clear my head, and think about things properly. Also being with my family is something that is really important from me, as I feel quite separate from them being in Bristol, and feel that I need the support of them, and the understanding. I feel quite alone in Bristol, and that no-one is on my side.

So tomorrow I'm going to go to citizens advice and find out what I will be entitled to now, and after the baby is born.
...

Anyway I'm going to leave it here, as this post is way too long and filled with me moaning. I do apologise.

1 comment :

  1. Oh honey, this sucks. I know what youre going through as I did it myself with my boyfriend, although I wasn't pregnant at the time which would have made it so much worse! I hope you get some helpful advice next week and can feel more positive about the situation. If you want to talk you know where I am.

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