12 October 2010

A little winge perhaps?

There is something wrong with me. All I can think about is living in my own place. I keep on having daydreams and fantasies about it, and always notice to let signs.

I'm also worried about being here in the future, I'm nervous about being on maternity leave, because that will mean that I will be in the house a lot more. Also I'm worried that I may suffer from post-natal depression, and feel that the mental strain of living here might be too much. I'm just worrying all the time.

I have been here a month, and apart from us painting the bedroom, nothing much has really changed. It's still us living in one room, and me feeling slightly uncomfortable in whatever I do. I feel like everything I do is being judged and watched, and just because I don't necessarily do it the way they do it here, that means I'm not doing it right. All these things are just small little things, but they all seem to add up to some feeling of uneasiness. I don't know, I really don't mean to sound ungrateful, but I just don't know if this is all worth it, whether the money we are potentially going to save is going to make up for the extra stress and my mental well being. There are still a lot of things we need to work out.

Also another of my worries that is upsetting me quite a lot is that when the baby is born there is not really going to be anywhere for my friends and family to come and visit and stay. Seeing as I live so far away from my family and most of my friends, they are going to need somewhere to be able to visit me. This is a major factor for me, because I know that when the baby is here I am probably going to need the support and company of my family, and if they can't stay or visit, then I'm going to miss out on this, and they too will miss out on something.

The main thing is that I know I can't do anything about the situation. I'm stuck in this position and can't see anyway out. It's frustrating and hard. But I'm just going to have to deal with it. I know it's only been a month, and that hopefully when we get the rooms sorted it will be better, but for now I remain slightly doubtful of how much better it will get.

I really don't want to sound like an ungrateful person, because I do still really appreciate the gesture, but I'm just not sure how practical this situation is, and whether it is best for everybody. Plus this is the one place for me to moan and get things off my chest!

Perhaps its just my hormones. Yeh I'll blame it on them...

4 comments :

  1. Abbi, its better to save and get the nice place later, you could be in a much worse place and Robs family sound very supportive. As you can't afford a mansion yet we have to find a place nearby if we come to stay anyway so just hang in there, it will all work out love Dadx

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  2. I can't help much with the living side of things but it'll all work out in the end I'm sure

    But I can offer advice for support when a new mum
    When I first had Theo my husband had to start his army training so was away for weeks at a time, still is.
    My friends were all back at Uni and my dad worked away.
    I shocked myself how much I got through by just relying on myself, you really do get used to it

    At the same time however, you do need support, face to face interaction and to socialise
    Netmums is great for one-on-ones
    Then when you're feeling brave bop along to one of their meets
    Or research all the baby groups or activities in the area. Go to every one at first. And persevere, some may seem cliquey but stick with it, you will crack them.
    If there's a children's centre or sure start centre near you they have lots of activities and groups. Or ask your midwife what's on in the area.

    The earlier you do this the better really, I wish I'd gone as soon as Theo was born. Mummy chums are a really good support network

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  3. hum. hello. ho hum. hum-di-dum ...di-dum.
    just woke up, sorry. and dont think this is the first thing i do whenever i wake up.
    anyway, i'm not having a baby, so dont have any advice there. I have, however, moved into my other-half's family home. been here nearly three months now. first few weeks were fine, even though i'd worried beforehand about it. about a month or so in though, which is where you seem to be, i got totally flipping anxious and depressed and paranoid about EVERYTHING. i think it must be a normal reaction to realising you have no private hidy-hole all of a sudden. make's the way you do things and other peoples reactions to it magnify hugely, making everything you do seem wrong in the eyes of the house-owners. probably all stems from some kind of feeling of spungy, spungy guilt, but, a month on, i feel much better. as long as you're maintaining a general level of socially acceptable helpfulness and politeness, just try and forget about everybody else. they're grown adults, and it was their decision to allow you into their home, so let them deal with anything about your day-to-day pottering that may not sit well with them. chances are it's all in your head anyway, but, if not, meh. so you get on their nerves a bit... doesnt really matter. you wont be there forever, and you're the one having the bloody baby. top trump.
    odd.

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  4. whoops i only just noticed these new comments!

    thanks for the advice, it does really help. sometimes i think i'm just going mad, and i think most of my worries and concerns are in my head! as i said before i'm horribly stubborn and like to do things my way, but this is something i'm (slowly) learning to change.

    owen i remembered the other day that you were in the same situation (minus the preggos obvs) and was wondering what it was like for you and whether you were feeling the same sorts of things..perhaps it's just our stubborn capricorn stuff? hah!

    anyway thanks again everyone! its means a lot!

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