31 October 2010

Sisters!

So finally I have a few photos of when I visited my sister in Canterbury last weekend! She was obsessed with the bump and feeling the baby kick, which was really nice, and spoke to it, the same way Rob speaks to it too...perhaps there is a standard way to talk to a bump? It's really nice that she is excited, because I forget that this baby is going to impact on her life in a big way too, and my other family members. It is an exciting time for everyone, not just me! I'm so happy to have my families support and love and excitement, because without that things would be 100% harder! I can't wait for them to meet my baby, and for them to get to know him as he grows up!

I look so much bigger than her in these pictures, a true whaling giant! But it does not matter, as there is anther person inside of me! Notice also my lovely vintage dress, that does make me look big, but I love it! It is the first vintage dress that I have found to go with my shape!









Also this weekend at work we had to dress up for Halloween, yesterday I went as a mummy, but I didn't take any pictures, but should be able to get one tomorrow, and today I went as a zombie dead thing:







It was fun dressing up! It certainly made the day go a bit faster! Work is still really good, but I have started to feel more and more tired being there, with my legs aching. They are really good and if I ever need to sit down and not do anything, that's fine.

I got used to the way I have been feeling over the last month or so, and now I can feel my body, and my emotions starting to change again. I'm starting to get more and more tired in the evenings, and my bump is getting heavy! All those times I was wishing it was there, and now sometimes I wish it was not!

Also I have started to feel my hormones go a bit wayward at times too, especially when I'm tired, which makes me not a particularly easy person to be around. But the fact that we have a flat and will be moving in jut over two weeks is something that is making things much easier for me! I'm so excited! I'm really looking forward now to stopping work, and spending my days pottering around the flat, maybe doing some knitting, going to the charity shops or just reading or watching tv. It will be nice to have some time to myself actually, to just be quiet. I am definitely having the nesting urges.

Last night I got worried about me and Rob. I'm not sure why, but I know I'm being difficult about some things at the moment, and not the best person to be around, and Rob is doing his best to ignore it when I'm a grouch and rude. But sometimes I'm scared that I will never go back to the person I used to be, and that I will forever more be this person who is moody and tired. I'm also aware that these are the very last few months that it's going to be just me and Rob, and this makes me sad. Not that I'm not really really excited about the baby, but it's been so lovely just living with Rob and getting to know him better, and I know that is all going to change soon. I'm just worried about the future I guess, and because our relationship has been far from normal, I'm just scared about how we are going to handle the next stage. I would love it, obviously, if me and Rob stayed together for a long long time, and could be a couple whilst the baby grows up and beyond, but I have to be realistic and know that this might not happen. But the thought of being with someone else, and having the child, and the child not being with Rob everyday is a scary one. I know I really shouldn't think about these things, but sometimes you have to, and it does worry me.

But for now I know that he loves me, and he wants this baby as much as I do, even if it wasn't the way we thought our lives would go.

...

Anyway, I'm currently playing the baby peach some sigur ros. He is kicking around a bit, so I hope that means he likes it. If I continues to play it to him perhaps it will act as a way to soothe him when he is a whailing bebe.

I can hear children outside in the street trick or treating! So happy Halloween everyone!

29 October 2010

Flat!

Oh hi! Good god damn news, we have a flat!

The flat is in one of the nicest areas of Bristol, in Redland, just off a really nice street with nice cafes and shops. The flat is on the ground floor (so no stairs!) of a big old pretty house, with one bedroom. There is tons of storage space, one of might even be big enough to fir a cot and baby things...we shall see. It also has our own little private courtyard, which is good! Only thing is the bath room is quite small, with only a shower, but for now this will have to do!

We are very excited, as for the price we are getting a nice place, in a really good location! Also it is available in a few weeks, so we have enough time to get things sorted, but not too long to wait to get in there! I'm so glad things are finally moving forward!

We just need to find furniture now, which hopefully we can pick up from freecycle or somewhere! But woohoo for this being the first step!

You can look at the flat here, because I can't save the pictures. And this means of course that people can come and visit!

I'm happy!

28 October 2010

Scary stuff

Today I'm 28 weeks. That means only 12 weeks to go! 12 weeks!

I feel bigger today, and my belly feels heavier, perhaps I grew overnight? I shall get Rob to take some photos tonight!

27 October 2010

Friends

This is a silly post, but last night I watched the friends episode where Rachel has her baby.

It was so rubbish and unreal (especially after watching the whole series of one born every minute). Firstly she is sitting in hospital when she is only 3 cms dilated, and they would probably send you home until your labour matures a bit, when she finally starts to push the baby is breech, which they only find out right at the last minute, which probably wouldn't happen. All they say to her is that she needs to push a bit harder, and lo and behold, she does and the baby is born! No extra midwives are brought in, it just pops out! Then afterwards there's no skin to skin, no cutting of the cord, no sewing her up after she just pushed out a breech, because lets be honest, there would be some tearing...

After this there is no delivery of placenta and definitely no clearing up of any 'mess' that might have happened whilst the baby was being born.

I know it's only a sitcom, and it's not supposed to give a full medical version of what happens when you give birth or whatever, but for me, before you are pregnant,  that is all you see of people giving birth, and actually it is completely different. Maybe that's why people are so terrified of giving birth when they know they have to, because all you see before hand is this fabricated view of people giving birth.

Anyway this is a silly rant, but it annoyed me slightly!

26 October 2010

A big fat NO

oh hi.

I'm horribly tired, and pretty grump grump right now.

...

So over the weekend after talking to family and Rob, we decided that we should start to (finally) look for a flat to move into before the baby is born.

Yesterday I went to speak to the citizens advice, and they said that I should be able to get some sort of housing benefit before the baby is born, and definitely after. Also after the baby is born I should be entitled to more help from the government too. 

I did some searching online yesterday, and found one that ticked a hell of a lot of boxes. Rob liked the look of it too. It was in a good location, a nice Georgian building, had big rooms, secure parking and just looked nice. I had a bit of a bad nights sleep thinking about it and worrying if it had already gone. But we rang in the morning, and it was still available, and we were able to get a viewing this morning, before I had to go to work.

So we drove down there and spent quite a while looking around it. It was nice, and had a good feeling about it. The rooms were definitely big enough for us, and there was plenty of storage space. After talking things over in the car after, and after Rob speaking to his mum about we, we decided that we should go for it, as it ticked loads of boxes, and was available at the end of November, giving us time to sort things out and save a little more. So we got to the agency, and told them we wanted to put down a deposit, only to be told that the agent had rang the landlord to check whether he would be happy about letting to us with a baby, and he said NO. No, no no.

We were pretty shocked by this, as we didn't even consider this being an issue. Apparently the landlord had let before to a family with a baby and it didn't go to well, so he didn't want to again, despite the agent trying to convince him.

I was gutted! It all seemed to good to be true, but after deciding to take the plunge, and make that step, we thought it would obviously be ok.

So now, it's back to the beginning. Searching and looking at flats. At least now I know we are definitely going to try and find somewhere, and hopefully move before Christmas!

So wish us luck!

Boo bloody hoo.

25 October 2010

On a lighter/darker note

When I was at my sisters we were talking about when the baby is born and how its brain develops. She showed me these books that are good for helping the babies sight develop, and brain develop.

I would (obviously) quite like my child to be smart, he doesn't have to be a genius, but being bright and intelligent would be good! So anything I can do when he's a baby to aid his brain developing well, I'm up for!

It's so strange starting to think about when the baby grows into a child, and how you will deal with all the things that bringing up a child involves. I'm hoping that the knowledge will somehow appear in my brain of how to do things, but I guess it's as much about me learning as it is with the child.

So anyway these books. It is said that babies respond well to strong contrasting colours, and bold shapes and designs ( see what I did with the title there? contrasting, light/dark, get it, yeh?) The look pretty good, and I wonder what else is out there to help the babies brain develop to it's full potential, I guess I will have to start researching!



Also today, some good news, I went to my antenatal swimming class as usual, and last week I had been chatting to a very nice lady who is preggos too. This week we were talking some more and I asked her if she wanted to sit and have a cup of tea after, so we had a nice chat about loads of different things, about our worries and excitements. She is 26 and having her first baby, who was also unexpected. It's really nice having someone who I get on with to talk about all these things, and she took my number so hopefully we will go for a cup of tea again...! yey friend! hah

That's all for now, I will update later with some more news potentially on the housing front, but I won't bore you with that again quite so soon!

p.s oh if anyone wants to get me any of these books they are really cheap on amazon, hint hint, haha!

24 October 2010

My favourite topic

So, what a funny couple of days it has been.

Firstly I'm writing this from my sisters house, in Canterbury, where I have come to visit for the weekend. But more of that later.

On Friday we had our very first antenatal appointment. We were given a choice of starting them now for 5 weeks, or waiting a month more to start them. We decided to do them now as it would be close to Christmas when we would be finishing the later one. But I sort of wish we had decided to to do the later one, because most of the women who were there were due around December time, with only one couple due a few days after us. I just think perhaps it would have been better to be around people who are closer to our date.

Also Rob and I were by far the youngest people there. Because of the area we live in, the type of people there having a baby are married professional couples, who have more than likely waited and planned to have their first baby. Everyone seemed perfectly nice, and I even recognised a few faces from my yoga class, but considering these classes are supposed to be a great way to meet other people, we didn't really talk to anyone at all. Maybe this will change after a few sessions, but we felt a little bit on the outside.

The class itself was really good, first we had a midwife, who did the best impressions of women in labour. It was very strange and I had to stop myself from laughing a few times because she went into this weird trance, complete with swaying, groaning and heavy breathing. It was a very impressive re-enactment. She just talked us through the different stages of labour, and what happens.

After this we had a physio, who was this funny older lady who told us about different exercises we should be doing.

So all in all it was a good experience. I was very glad that Rob was there too, because sometimes I feel as though its just me going through it, but when he is there I'm reminded that this is happening to both of us.

Also the idea of giving birth doesn't scare me I realised, but it intrigues me. I sort of looking forward to it happening because I just can't imagine what it's actually going to be like, and what I'm going to feel, as it's one of those things that you have to experience for yourself, no matter what other people tell you. Also it's an experience that women have been going through since the beginning and being part of that and doing what my body is made to do is an exciting experience.

...

After this we went food shopping, when we came home we were attempting to put our shopping away, when Rob's dad came to offer 'advice' on where to put things. By this point I think we had had enough of him offering advice, and Rob and his dad got into an argument. Basically it didn't end too well, and a lot of things came up. I think since we have been there, there have been a lot of things that haven't been dealt with in the best way. Some of this is my fault, because I don't feel in a comfortable position to be able to communicate my side of things, therefore Rob is stuck in the middle being the messenger between his parents and me.

There are many problems with living with his parents, and as you all know quite well, I can't wait to get out. But it seems as though we are stuck there for the time being.

My main problems are that everything I do seems to be wrong and criticized. Understandably I have had to change the way I do things to fit into their way, because it is their house, but even so I'm still told that everything I do is wrong. It seems as though there is no balance at all, and that they are not willing to be adaptable at all to the new situation. There are many things that I could comment on and say what they do wrong, because it is different from the way I do it, but I don't, I hold my tongue, but that doesn't seem to be the case with them. Every little thing that is done slightly differently is commented on.

Also they seem to have forgotten that we are actual paying tenants in their house, and that if they had real lodgers paying them money, then they would not be able to speak to us the way they do and interfere with everything we do. If they want to treat us like children still living at home, then surely we should not be paying rent. But seeing as we are, we need to be respected as real tenants, with a level of freedom and privacy and respect.

But for now, I think the best I can do is bring up these points. But as I said before I don't particularly feel comfortable and like my voice will be repsected. His parents seem to be oblivious to the fact that I'm pregnant, and that I may be going through quite a lot of emotions and finding it quite hard dealing with all the changes that are happening to me and my life.

Yesterday I had a chat with them about arranging the rooms, and furniture we are going to keep and bring in. It seemed as though I had some say. But later I spoke to Rob and he had spoken to his parents and it just seemed to be back to the usual way of them telling Rob how things are going to happen. I just don't think it's a fair deal, because of Rob being their son, they have control over him and therefore over what we do, and I feel they exploit this quite a lot.

Sorry this is a long post, and it doesn't really make sense.

But I'm going to see how sorting out the rooms goes, and then being able to live in two rooms instead of one turns out. But I know, for the sake of my mental health and the baby, I don't want to live there after it is born. I know I will be able to get more help from the government once I actually have had the baby, so hopefully that will mean we can get out an afford our own place. So all I have to do is try and make things work for the next few months, save as much money as possible, then get out.

...

So yesterday I drove to my sisters. I think doing a long journey and being in my car by myself, just with space to think, was enough therapy for me. It's one of the best feelings, having my own car, that I can just take and go somewhere, when I please, as it's the one and only thing that is my own and that they have no control over.

I'm really glad I came away, I needed to clear my head, and think about things properly. Also being with my family is something that is really important from me, as I feel quite separate from them being in Bristol, and feel that I need the support of them, and the understanding. I feel quite alone in Bristol, and that no-one is on my side.

So tomorrow I'm going to go to citizens advice and find out what I will be entitled to now, and after the baby is born.
...

Anyway I'm going to leave it here, as this post is way too long and filled with me moaning. I do apologise.

23 October 2010

Stormy weather

There is a storm cloud over this house. Last night it got quite intense, therefore I'm running away east to clearer skies, just for a few days to clear my head.

22 October 2010

Elbow

Just a quick post, but last night when I was lying in bed there was the usual wriggling going on in my belly, but this time it felt a bit different. I had my hand on my stomach and could feel definite kicks and more protruding body parts.

It felt a lot harder, and felt like I could feel the elbow, knee or foot, or whatever it was that was doing the poking. So I poked him back.

Good fun.

21 October 2010

twenty seven

Wowzers, I've been really bad with posting, I do apologise. Not much has been happening you see.

Tonight I'm going to tackle filling it my maternity pay forms. This does not look remotely easy or fun. I don't understand why they have to make it so complicated. The wording is so confusing, and I have to work out all my earning for over the past year, I don't know whether me being a student changes anything either. I wish there was someone who could sit down with you, or work it all out for you and just tell you what to write. Or if I'd been at my job long enough I could have got pay from them, which would have been a lot simpler.

...

Anyway in other news, something I always go on about, but after having a few conversations with my mum about the living situation here, something which after visiting us she is not entirely happy about, we may be considering looking for a flat to move into before the baby is born. The reason being is that we are not really saving much money being here in the first place, because we are paying them rent for one small room, plus buying all our food on top of that. We have also had to buy and will have to buy paint for decorating the rooms, plus spending all of our days off decorating, or trying to sort it all out. So we are just having a look to see what is available, because both Rob and myself don't feel particularly happy or settled here, and I think that is one of the most important things. But we shall see. I'm trying to see what extra money I might be able to get to be able to afford it. But it would be possible to afford it, it would just mean that we would have very little money left over, but surely most people are in that position anyway.

But I will keep you posted on what we decide.

...

Last night I babysat for the neighbours. It was great, I got paid £8 to drink hot chocolate and watch ugly Betty for 1 and a half hours. All the children were asleep in bed, and I didn't have to do anything. The lady is really nice, and has already started making us a baby box of things to give us like toys and clothes. She also offered us her cot-bed, which we would need a new mattress for, but that would save us money! Also we may be able to have a pram. We had a little chat about us potentially moving, and she said that it's important that we feel settled in a place, also that we have the space to learn how to bring up the baby, and make mistakes, without someone else telling you how to do things.

...

So that is all to report really. Tomorrow we go to our first antenatal appointment, which I'm not sure whether it is quite early to be having them, but should be interesting. Rob is coming with me, which will be nice to do something together again about the baby, because it's been a while!

Sorry I will try to be better at updating!

p.s I'm 27 weeks today, only 13 weeks to go. That is scary. It also means I'm in my 3rd trimester. The last one. This is very scary.

18 October 2010

The boy

Whoops, once again I have been rubbish at posting, I'm sorry.

I don't think a lot happened this weekend, we were both working quite a lot. Other than that our friend James came to stay on Saturday night, because he wants to start photographing us through the pregnancy and after. It was quite nice, we went to a nice bar near here and played scrabble and had a drink. My drink was a piece of carrot cake.

...

So not much else to tell really. I think I might dedicate this post to Rob. Recently I have been really enjoying our domestic little life. Sometimes it feels as though we are just playing being domestic, but then I realise that it is real, and this is how it's going to be. If one of us is working late we will ask the other what they want for dinner, and try and have it ready for when they get home. We share the cooking and the washing up. Today we went for a nice little walk down Gloucester Road and went vegetable shopping. I don't know why I find these things pleasing, but I do.

Today Rob mentioned something about me and the bebe being his family. This made my heart melt a little bit, and as we walked down the street holding hands, I thought about us in the future as a little family.

I love waking up with Rob in the morning, and dozing in the comfort of his cuddle. I love getting to know his face and seeing more and learning more about him everyday. I like the way we play and I like the way we talk about things. He has his faults, not many, but some, but even so he makes me very happy indeed, and if this hadn't of happened by accident I hope that one day it would have happened anyway. Things have obviously moved fast between us, but from the beginning we just seemed to fit. Things made sense and just worked between us, and since then things have just been growing stronger. He is a sweet little one and I love him dearly, more and more everyday. I can't wait to meet the little thing that is half of him.

Anyway enough soppyness for now. Here are some photos. 








That's all for now, sorry if I made anyone feel a bit sick.

15 October 2010

Yesterday was dramatic, today is ok

So, today I feel a bit better. I think my hormones were playing up and I was just getting worried and wound up about little things, which in my head, then turned into big things. I know that being realistic it's not the right time to move into a flat of our own, and hopefully that time will come on its own without forcing it. I'm a great believer in things happening for a reason, and if it was right for us to be in a flat then it would be a little more possible. i just hope that it doesn't take too long for that time to come!

...

Yesterday I went for a coffee, well a cup of tea, with this women who suggested meeting up off of mumsnet.com. I put up a sort of ad, well just a post saying that I was new to Bristol and didn't really know anyone in a similar situation to me and wanted to know how to meet people. She messaged me and said that if I ever want to meet up for a coffee then that would be nice. So yesterday we did just that. She brought her 10month old son with her. He was ever so sweet and didn't make a sound the whole time. He either just sat staring at me or was asleep. I can't wait for the days when I can hang out with friends and have the little peach there just hanging out too.

Anyways, we talked all things preggo; labour, nappies, pregnancy dreams, family, money and just about everything! It was really nice actually, and really interesting to speak properly with someone who has been through the same thing. When I was at work later I was chatting to another really nice women who has just had a baby too. I find it very comforting!

...

Speaking of work I was trying to work out when I would go on maternity leave, and from talking to these couple of women it seems as though the normal time to go is about 32-34 weeks. Both said at 34 weeks they were ridiculously tired, and were really glad of the break. So if I did this, that would mean that I would be working for another 6-7 weeks and finishing at the beginning of December. This sounds good to me, as I get to leave just before things get horribly hectic up til Christmas. I can't imagine that I would be any help further than that anyway, because I imagine being on my feet for even 4 hours would start to become a no no. But as ever they have been really good and flexible at work, and said if I wanted to work more or less around that date then that's fine too. I should hopefully get around the same amount of money I'm on now, from the government for maternity pay, which is good! Also something else I need to sort out!

...

Things between Rob and I are really good at the moment. Yesterday I had a thought about how nice it is to be close to one person, and spend most of your time with them, and to just have that person who is your really really good friend. Of course we have our ups and downs, and things can be particularly stressful at the moment, but at the end of the day I'm so glad this is happening with him. We have been spending more time just talking and hanging out with the bump recently, so he has been able to see the baby kick and feel it a lot more. The baby is having a proper wriggle in there most of the time! At the moment I'm really enjoying it, it makes me smile when he kicks if I'm at work or out and about. It's like a little secret that we are sharing, and no-body else knows what is happening. I always try and say hello. the other day he was kicking, and me and Rob both said hello to him, and he kicked back straight after. Hopefully this was the bebe responding to our voices. How very exciting!

...

I have some slightly bad news, yesterday I discovered some small stretch marks on the bottom of my belly. I hope that they don't continue up towards my belly button! Also my belly button is coming out to say hello even more. It's strange because when I was little I used to play and fiddle with my belly button, and now I can do it again!

...

I finished painting the room next door, so all we have to do now is arrange when we can get a bed, then start moving! So hopefully that should happen in the next couple of weeks! Then it will be Halloween and then Bonfire night! I love LOVE this time of year, and it's suddenly got really cold, cold enough to wear a coat all the time, and perhaps even a scarf!

Right that's all for now! I shall try and take more photos soon!

12 October 2010

A little winge perhaps?

There is something wrong with me. All I can think about is living in my own place. I keep on having daydreams and fantasies about it, and always notice to let signs.

I'm also worried about being here in the future, I'm nervous about being on maternity leave, because that will mean that I will be in the house a lot more. Also I'm worried that I may suffer from post-natal depression, and feel that the mental strain of living here might be too much. I'm just worrying all the time.

I have been here a month, and apart from us painting the bedroom, nothing much has really changed. It's still us living in one room, and me feeling slightly uncomfortable in whatever I do. I feel like everything I do is being judged and watched, and just because I don't necessarily do it the way they do it here, that means I'm not doing it right. All these things are just small little things, but they all seem to add up to some feeling of uneasiness. I don't know, I really don't mean to sound ungrateful, but I just don't know if this is all worth it, whether the money we are potentially going to save is going to make up for the extra stress and my mental well being. There are still a lot of things we need to work out.

Also another of my worries that is upsetting me quite a lot is that when the baby is born there is not really going to be anywhere for my friends and family to come and visit and stay. Seeing as I live so far away from my family and most of my friends, they are going to need somewhere to be able to visit me. This is a major factor for me, because I know that when the baby is here I am probably going to need the support and company of my family, and if they can't stay or visit, then I'm going to miss out on this, and they too will miss out on something.

The main thing is that I know I can't do anything about the situation. I'm stuck in this position and can't see anyway out. It's frustrating and hard. But I'm just going to have to deal with it. I know it's only been a month, and that hopefully when we get the rooms sorted it will be better, but for now I remain slightly doubtful of how much better it will get.

I really don't want to sound like an ungrateful person, because I do still really appreciate the gesture, but I'm just not sure how practical this situation is, and whether it is best for everybody. Plus this is the one place for me to moan and get things off my chest!

Perhaps its just my hormones. Yeh I'll blame it on them...

10 October 2010

A birthday, on a Sunday

So last night we went out for Rob's birthday, and much to my surprise, I lasted the whole night! We went home at about 2am. I was quite tired by the end, and my throat hurt, but it was nice to stay out and feel ok! I'm trying to make the most of me feeling alright at the moment!

I cooked Rob and his mum a curry last night, and then for dessert I'd bought a whole tray of krispy kreme doughnuts, and I put a candle in each of them. I also gave Rob his present which was a nice shirt, so that he could wear it out that night.

I decided to go with something a little daring, and wore a tight dress, seeing as now there is a more distinguishable bump there, and I don't just look really fat, I thought it would be ok! I think at some points I felt a bit strange because I get paranoid about what people think of me, and I think that some people might have thought badly of me for being in a bar at 2 in the morning, even if I had only been drinking water all night (well I had a quarter of a pint of Guinness, mainly for the taste, but then I had enough).  But at the end of the day I shouldn't worry because I wasn't doing anything bad, just staying awake for a little longer than usual, but I had today off so it was quite relaxing and not very strenuous.

A pleasant evening was had by all, its nice just sitting in a pub with friends having a catch up. I like going out to have a few drinks with friends, I just hate it when the emphasis is to get as drunk as possible and act like a twat. When Rob and I were going home we walked through the centre of Bristol, by the kebab shops and I was amused and also quite shocked at how tragic the drinking culture is. It's quite strange to see it through completely sober eyes, and even though I don't think I've ever been as bad as that, it was strange to see so many people acting in this way, and even more horrid to think that this is what people do every weekend, in every city and town. I also had a funny thought, and wondered how many accidental babies would be conceived that night!

Today we went for lunch with Rob's mum because Rob's dad was away for the weekend, so we snuck out for lunch in secret.  It was really nice, and I like spending time with Rob's mum and hearing about different things about her. Later this afternoon I put the first coat of the off white on the remaining walls. I finished with paint all over my hands, on the bottoms of my feet and some on the walls.

Anyway, here are some photographs (I'm getting better at this right?) And I will do a more in depth post at some point. Good night!



Me in my fetching overalls

Rob and his krispy kremes pus new shirt, looking slightly like hitler?

The revealing outfit

The handsome birthday boy

My awkward photo face

09 October 2010

Saturday Mornings

Hello, it's Saturday morning and Rob and I are having a lie in together. I love waking up early, but not having to get up, and spending time just talking and hanging out with Rob. Rob usually doesn't do this type of thing, but somehow I've managed to persuade him to do so.

So as promised, and because Rob just got a new I-phone, we took some photos. After this expenditure we are going to have a budget talk, and sort out all of our money, and how we are going to save. Rob and I are both very good at spending money, and it's starting to worry me. We need to start saving!

Anyway, I'm feeling slightly better about myself than I did last night, but not 100%. But here are some photos where I think I look preggo and not like a massive fat whale. I'm still in my pyjamas! The baby was moving around a lot this morning, and Rob finally got to see my stomach jumping when the little one kicked. Also you can sort of see the new wall, well the new paint on the wall, but it looks a lot more blue in these photos!











So happy Saturday, I have to work for a few hours today, but then its back home to make a curry then go out for Robs birthday and see some friends. I'm quite excited, today seems like it might be a good day!

08 October 2010

Not looking so good.

So today I was feeling quite happy. I've had a day off and it's been semi-productive.

This morning I did washing that has needed to be done for ages, then I went swimming. The slow lane was too slow today, so I ventured back into the medium lane, and really tried to push myself. I haven't been swimming in a while and felt bad. I have been concerned that I have put on too much weight, and I really need to start watching what I'm eating, and doing a bit more when I go swimming. More on this later.

...

After I had lunch, tomato soup mmmm, I went for a wander down Gloucester Road, mainly to go to see if I can sign up at the dentist, but also for a charity shop browse and a general excursion. I have recently rediscovered the wonders of my I-pod, and I love just walking along the street, with no real purpose, watching people and being engrossed in my world and my music. I like being out and about, it makes me feel more integrated and part of the place, and Gloucester Road is such a good place to be doing this, as there are so many cafes and nice little shops and it's just a nice busy with people doing their own thing. I went in charity shops and a vintage shop and was tempted by some winter jumpers.

There is also my favourite bakery, who bake the best olive bread in the world. I bought a loaf of that. I also bought some things for the curry I'm making tomorrow, for Rob's birthday. It's his birthday on Sunday, but we are going out with some friends on Saturday night, so I thought that I would make a curry before hand. I have bought him what I think is a very nice present, which he has already been hunting for, but he won't find it.

The point of my trip was to try and get registered with Rob's dentist, but they aren't taking on any new NHS patients. Bugger. So I'll just have to find another one, whilst I get treatment for free!

...

I was going to put another coat on the purple wall today in the new bedroom, but I was so tired after walking to the shops and back, that I just couldn't manage it. I keep on forgetting that I can't do as much as I used to. I think because at the moment I've got more energy than I've had in the past few months I forget that I still do get tired out. I'm not looking foreward to when the tiredness starts to creep back though. I'm nearly in my 3rd trimester, which seems strange to me. When I'm in that (in 2 weeks!) that will be the final bit, the last stretch. Scary times.

I was also going to take some photos of myself to show my stomach, because it is indeed getting bigger and bigger, but I tried to take some on photobooth, but just got depressed because I look really fat. I don't know whether its the top I'm wearing (which I will consider not wearing from now on, since I look like a whale in it) or just everything. My face, my legs, yuk yuk yuk. It's really horrible, and I really don't want to be over-weight. I have never been over weight before, and its really shocking to see myself like it. In the photos I don't even look pregnant, just really fat. So no photos on this post I'm afraid.

I will get Rob to take some tomorrow morning, and of the new room.

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I have been watching a bit of the commonwealth games, and I kept on welling up when English people won races and medals. Also I had tears in my eyes when a women from Botswana won the 400m race, winning the first ever gold for her country. I don't really know whats wrong with me.

...

Right I'm going to go and do some star jumps or something.

p.s sometimes I look at the stats of my blog, to see when people visit and where from, and I noticed that someone had visited from Jamaica! How good! 

06 October 2010

whoops

Oh hi, sorry I forgot to post in a few days, been quite busy!

Sooo...on Monday my Mum and Andy were in Bristol, so after  I went to my aqua-natal swimming in the morning, (where I did actually speak to some of the other women this time, which was nice) I met up with my mum. I had to go to my first midwife appointment in Bristol, which I was quite excited about because it seems like ages ago that I was seen by anyone, it was infact 4 weeks ago. Mother and me went for a walk along Gloucester Road, and looked in some charity shops. Then it was time for me to go to my appointment, so I let her in a cafe.


The appointment was really good, as always the midwife was really lovely. (They are the loveliest people in the world, right?) Because I have moved to a new area, I had to basically have a booking appointment again, where they take all my details and go through medical history. It's silly that each district does things so differently, but it was ok and didn't take too long. She had to do all my bloods again though, which meant giving more blood than I'd expected, and I don't really like having it done. It's good to sort of start over again, because I feel I can go over things that I feel weren't gone over the first time, and talk about things that have come up. Also I didn't really feel like I saw anyone regularly when I was in Lincoln, in fact I saw a different midwife for everything I went to.

This time she measured my stomach, and said it was pretty much the right size for my time, also I got to hear the heartbeat again, which I forgot all about, so that was a nice suprise, again! So everything seems to be ok for now, blood pressure is good, babies heart beat is good, the only thing is is that she weighed me and my bmi is slightly creeping into overweight. Which is not so good. I really need to start watching what I'm eating, and start going swimming more!

...

Which brings me onto my next subject nicely, because as well as doing the aquanatal classes once a week I decided I would give pregnancy yoga a try. After speaking to the lady next door (who has young children) over the garden wall, we got onto the subject of yoga and she recommended that I go to this place. It's about a 5 minute walk from the house, so is a perfect location. I went this evening for the first time. I was a little apprehensive at first, but as usual, once Ing was there it was fine. The yoga we did is nothing like any of the proper yoga I have done before, but was still really good. We did a lot of stretching, and lying in comfortable positions, and it was very relaxing. We ended with a position where we were half lying on our backs with our legs stretched out flat against the wall. It was weird, but really comfortable!

I didn't really speak to anyone there, but I think if I get there a bit earlier next week then perhaps I will speak to people before. But everyone seems quite friendly. It's weird being in a room where you know everyone there is going through the same thing as you, it's quite a relaxing feeling really.

...

Anyway in other news Rob's grandparents came to visit yesterday, and Betty (the grandmother) came into my work today to say hello. She then told me that she would meet me after work for a coffee. She bought me a sandwich from Pret, then we sat in the sunshine on a bench and had a natter. She is really really lovely, and I really like spending time with her. She is constantly saying how if I wanted I can go down and stay with them by myself if I want a break, and to go down with Rob too. Also she kept on mentioning that I'm going to be treated the same as everyone else, because I'm part of the family now. She really is very nice!

...

I feel I have been quite up and down with my moods recently. I think my hormones are going up and down again. I felt really bad because when I went to my Mums and when she was down I felt myself getting irritated and annoyed, not by them, but just by everything. I felt really bad because I felt as though I was ruining the time I had to spend with them. It made me feel really sad because I didn't want to feel mean to my Mum and Andy, because of everything they do for me, and I miss them alot. But I just couldn't help it. I don't know why. Perhaps its because I  do really miss them, and living with them, and seeing my family, that I didn't quite know how to react. I feel really mean and like a spoilt brat when I'm acting like that, it makes me feel sad. I will have to ring my Mum tomorrow.

...

Anyway thats about all for now. We have painted one room of the wall next door. I will take photos. Also I will take stomach photos too, hopefully tomorrow!

03 October 2010

Autumn

I'm very excited that Autumn is nearly here! I love it! I can't wait to go stomping through leaves, and wear my winter coats, and scarfs. I love clear blue crisp days, where you can properly wrap up warm, and just about see your breath. I feel very excited that I'm going to have my proper bump in Autumn and winter because it somehow makes me feel even more cosy and warm. The only really good thing about summer is knowing that Autumn is going to follow. I even sometimes like the dull grey days, because they make me feel cosy. I can't tell you how excited I am about wearing tights again, and now I get to pull them up over my bump and feel all secure.

Yesterday I drove from Bristol back up to my mums. I quite like driving to a completely different part of the country, and seeing the landscape change. My heart quickened whenever I saw some slightly yellow trees. I really do love it.

...

So I'm feeling a bit better today, still full of cold, but I don't have the all consuming body ache and illness that I had before. I spent all of Thursday and Friday in bed, which left me feeling pretty grumpy and rubbish. Then on Saturday I woke up feeling ok and back to my usual self.

I'm glad that I'm coming away for a little while. I think its good for me and Rob to have some space, as living in one room with each other can sometimes get a little hard. Everything is going well, it's just getting used to living with one another is going to take some time, and especially when that living is taking place in one room. Suddenly our relationship has got a lot more serious, and there is no space or time to really adjust to things.
I've been living at his parents for 2 weeks now. It has gone ok, but I still feel a bit uncomfortable there. Things with the moving are going quite slowly, and I'm not sure whether they will ever be properly done. I just really wish that we had a place of our own. I think it would make the transition of me and Rob living together a lot smoother and easier, and a chance to get everything sorted and set in place for when the baby arrives. It would have been nice to be able to establish somewhere as our home first, and then bring the baby into that, rather than have to do that at some point in the future, when everything gets too much living at his parents. I know not having the stress of money is a really good thing, but having the many other stresses that living at his parents is not really a great alternative. I don't mean to moan, and I still do really appreciate what they are doing for us, but it's just pretty hard, and I don't know if its going to get better.

We'll just have to see what happens in the future...

...

Last night as soon as I got back to my mums I went round to the next door neighbours, because the girl had her baby! She had it the night after I left two weeks ago! It's a little girl called Imogen, and she is just perfect! I was so excited, because recently I've had the biggest urges to hold a baby. I haven't held a baby for over a year, and even then it wasn't a very small, very young baby. I think being around so many babies in the shop, but not being able to hold them has driven me a bit mad. I think I just wanted to remember what it feels like to hold a baby, so perhaps I can imagine holding my own easier? Strange, I'm going to be holding my own baby.

Anyway, as soon as I got there the dad asked me if I wanted to hold her. So I very cautiously took her and sat down on the sofa with her. She was asleep and stayed asleep the whole time. She has the most perfect little face, with a little mouth and tiny nose...She kept on screwing up her face and yawning in her sleep. Apparently she is a very good baby, and sleeps most of the time and doesn't really cause them that much trouble. I asked about the labour and all things related to that. I can't believe her baby is actually there in real life. It's strange seeing her after just seeing her pregnant, that this tiny little thing came out of her!

Can you tell I'm getting broody?

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I can't believe I only have 3 months left. It seems like a long time to have to wait to meet our baby, but also 3 months is nothing in terms of our lives changing forever. I know it will probably go very quickly, and in no time it will be Christmas, then due date. I'm actually getting very scared now, 3 months is no time at all. Only 3 months left of my being a single independent person, with only having to be responsible and look after myself. Only 3 months left of it being just me and Rob. Soon we are to be a 'family'. Oh god. I'm really scared.

...

The good news though is that now that I'm 24 weeks the baby is now what they call viable, which means that if he was to be born now, there is a chance of him surviving, so that's something!

I really want to get things sorted and start buying things like a pram and nursery stuff, because I keep on having dreams about the baby coming early, and not being ready for it. Just have to save up a bit of money first, and ask around from family for donations! (wink wink)

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Right I have to go now, as I have a large amount of snot I need to expel from my face.


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