23 September 2010

twenty three

So today I am twenty three weeks, and I thought that was special because I am twenty three years old. I like counting things like this, as just this year gone past, in December I was 23 on the 23rd of December, clever isn't it?

I'm sorry that I do not update as much as perhaps some of you would like, and that my blog is seriously lacking on the photographic front (considering both myself and Rob have just graduated as photography students) but hopefully that should soon be amended, as Rob can take photographs of me...I need to get film for my Slr so I can start to document things.

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I just heard thunder and looked out of the window and saw a magpie sitting on the chimney opposite, hmmm how ominous..

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Anyway, the baby was kicking lots this morning, and if it is anywhere near as active as it was when we saw it (I should really start calling it him right?) at the scan, then I imagine he's going to be kicking quite alot. It's nice to feel though, as they are only light, but I know he's still in there and moving about. When I was alone after Rob had gone to work I felt it kick so I said hello to it and talked a little bit. I don't think I could do it when anybody else was around. I read that from now they can react to noises so getting it used to my voice and Rob's, by us talking to it would be a good thing to do. I have also heard that if you use a particular sound whilst it is in the womb, then afterwards you can use this sound to soothe the baby after it is born. I like the idea of this, but I'm not really sure of what to use, maybe just a particular piece of music perhaps?

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Speaking of it move around and knowing that it is still ok in there, I spoke to a girl in work yesterday who told me she had had a miscarriage. I don't quite what to think about it really. I mean its nice that she can talk about it, but also a bit strange that she would tell that sort of thing to a stranger. It was obviously still really raw and she needed to talk about it. She was in the shop buying a present for her friend who has just had a baby, and I was helping her when we got talking about babies and pregnancy as you do. She told me that the baby miscarried, but didn't come out. So she only found out that it didn't have a heartbeat when they went for the first scan. I can't imagine how horrible that would be. I know that we had told a few people before the 12 week scan, and were really excited about going. I just can't imagine the feeling of being there and finding out that it was dead. It's weird, as soon as I accepted that I was pregnant I became really scared about miscarrying, even way after the 12 week mark when the risk drops considerably. Every little pain or feeling in my stomach got me worried, that's why I feel so relieved every time I do feel him moving around.

The girl was only 20, and the risks of her having a second miscarriage are rare, but I can't imagine what it would be like to get pregnant again and have that happen. It's really weird that you just take it all for granted that everything is ok. Even when we had to go back for the second scan because of the brain cyst, I was still fairly confident that everything would be fine. It is horribly strange how pregnancy can bring so much happiness, but at the same time the complete heartbreaking unhappiness if anything does go wrong. It seems as though it is a very fine line. So fingers crossed, and very selfishly, I hope everything stays ok for me!

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Yesterday Rob and I went shopping in Tesco's together. This doesn't sound particularly interesting, and well, it isn't, but I'm just going to say that I actually enjoyed it. It's weird when you catch glimpses of yourself, and imagine that this is what it would be like in the future, if we were shopping just for ourselves, and our little family, living somewhere just us. I guess it's like some sort of fantasy for me, the delights of domesticity. Last night as well we were alone in his house, and I find myself thinking that that is what it would be like if it was just us two in the house, or at least us two and the baby. I really do yearn for the time when this will be possible. But for now we have to do what is best and sensible. But that doesn't stop me dreaming right?

And I am very thankful for where we are and what we have got already, and all for what Rob's parents are doing for us.

Tonight, after Rob gets home from work we are going to visit Mothercare as they have a sale on, then go to Ikea. Just for browsing. And I will finally get to eat my Ikea hotdog...yummmm

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Hopefully later on I can get Rob to take some photos..so you can all keep quiet til then!

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