24 September 2010

hmmppff

Right now I'm feeling weird. I'm a bit fed up of being pregnant.

This evening when I was getting home from work, Rob told me that he had been invited out for drinks with his friends. I immediately felt rubbish about this, because the prospect of being alone, with no friends, and nothing to do, was well rubbish. I completely understand Rob wanting to go out with his friends, I guess I'm just jealous that I don't have friends to go out with.

Also something that I realised tonight, is even if I did have friends to go out with, it wouldn't be the same as it was before. I find it hard being around friends sometimes because I feel so different to them now. It also feels that all I am at the moment is pregnant, and that I can't even remember what type of person I was before this. I can't really relate to anyone at the moment, and people can't relate to me. Conversations revolve around babies and pregnancy, and sometimes just feel forced and awkward other times. So I guess what I'm trying to say is that I find it hard being the only person I know who is going through this, and I know that's my own choice.

I feel, perhaps selfishly, that this isn't affecting Rob as much as it is me, and I unfairly hold a grudge against him for this. He can still g out with his friends, and do much the same as he did before, where as I feel I can't really do any of the things I used to do before.

I don't know, this is all making me feel weird. It's not just about not being able to go out drinking, it's just that I can't related to most of what people my age are doing, and I just feel a bit lonely and boring. I think what I really need to do is just go out and meet some people in a similar situation to me.

I just hope that things get better, and that I don't just feel like this boring, un-interesting, nothing to talk about person.

It's a horrible frustrating situation, and one I can't get out of. I can't even explain properly what I mean.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

As you can tell I'm slightly frustrated.

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