29 August 2010

Baby Bear

Thank you everyone for your replies on my last post! I guess I just hadn't posted in a while, and got a bit lost in what I wanted to talk about.

Also things have been non stop and I haven't really had enough time to collect my thoughts on all the goings on. Writing this blog is really therapeutic for me. It helps me order my thoughts and really figure out what is going on inside my body and mind!

On the photo front I would love to take more photos. As bad as it sounds (as I have just completed a photography degree) I don't actually own a decent camera, well a decent digital camera. I have perfectly nice decent film cameras, but they're not to handy for taking quick photos of my stomach. But I have been thinking about when I'm bigger getting someone to rent a large format camera from uni (James possibly? Hi!) because I have some large format film left, to take some really nice photos of my stomach, and of le peach. But for now I'm going to save up, or ask for for Christmas, a decent compact digital camera. I imagine that will probably be the only thing that I will get (if I do) that won't be baby related?. Well I'll need something to take lots of photos of the baby.

Speaking of taking photographs of the baby, I will try and use my slr as much as possible too, and make proper photo albums. Since I wrote my dissertation on The family album, and well the possible death of it. I will share with you my closing paragraph, that seems rather fitting now:

"So now it is up to each individual family to have the strength to continue telling their own stories, and carry on making family albums that can be cherished and passed through generations, how ever the medium of photography develops. I know that I am excited for the future, keen to start making my own history and eager to never forget the moments that happen, and one day hope to make my own family albums that will construct these memories, that can be shared and cherished."

Who would have thought that those moments would have come so soon?

Anyway I shall leave you with some photographs of my stomach, and of the sweetest purchase ever, that I feel will make anyone want a baby, and certainly makes having a baby worth it, if just for this.











It's a bear costume, well a bear baby coat thing. It's the softest sweetest thing ever created, and I just want to cuddle it all the time. I know it will be a million times better when there is actually a baby to cuddle in it. I'm excited.

p.s If anyone was at all interested to read my dissertation (I doubt anyone is, as it's quite long) then I can try and mail it or something...

Admitting defeat

Well it's not so over dramatic as my title sounds, but it is a little turn around anyway.

So, things are changing yet again. After Rob didn't get his job in Cardiff, I got all excited about living in a flat in Bristol. Me and Rob went to letting agents, and looked online and went to see about 4 flats in the short time I was in Bristol last week. We saw one quite nice one. Also Rob went to see 2 on Friday, and one sounded pretty nice indeed. But alas this week we have been worrying about the big bad wolf that is money.

We realised quickly that even if we both were working full time this would only give us enough money to cover rent and bills, just. So no saving for baby, and just worrying about money all of the time. This is if we were both working, which after the baby comes, I won't be working, for about a year (hopefully) But I did some research into maternity pay, tax credits and child benefit, and it seemed like we could hopefully still get by.

But I think Rob's parents started to become worried, especially as we were looking at flats, and don't have jobs secured. But for me I didn't really see another option.

But this weekend, Rob's parents sat down with him to talk through options. They suggested to Rob that we come to live with them. As their house is quite crammed (I use the word 'quite' lightly) they would have to do alot of moving around. Firstly Rob's dad would move hi office downstairs, and his brother, when not at uni, would move into that room. That would then mean that Rob and I would have his old bedroom, and Rob's bedroom as well. One room for a bedroom, one for living. They also suggested that we could buy our own food, and cook when we wanted, as to give us independence. They would have to work out us paying them some money each month, but I imagine it will be considerably less than paying Bristol rent, council tax and bills. So all in all a good suggestion, with them being very compromising, flexible and kind.

Rob told me all of this, and I cried and got scared and worried. Mainly my worries were about losing my independence, not feeling like it is my home and not being able to make my own decisions. I sat in the bath and had a good long think.

But before you all jump to conclusions thinking that I'm ungrateful for the offer I shall take this opportunity to explain some things that I have recently realised about myself.

Firstly I'm stubborn. Very stubborn indeed. I don't like people telling me what to do, and what is best.

I also like to be in control. I like to plan and I like to know where I'm going and what I'm doing. I need my feet firmly on the ground, and the path set out ahead of me. I don't like it when unseen things come in and change the plan that's in my head.

Also I'm proud. I'm proud of my independence, and I'm too proud to ask for help usually. I'd much rather suffer for a while and then ask for help only when there is no other option. I'm not very good at people offering it unexpectedly.

I like to be seen and treated as an adult, being able to make decisions as an adult and being respected for them.

Finally the idea of home is pretty much the most important thing to me in the world. It's something that I have been striving for, for a very long time. I imagine it's since the break up of my family home, and since then, never really feeling like I had a home of my own, or a real place that I could call home. I was desperate to leave uni, so I could finally stop living in a student house, and be responsible for myself, and not a whole house of people. When Rob and I decided to keep the baby, I found myself dreaming of a house or a flat together where we could have all of our own things, our own routines, and our own un-compromised space.

So when Rob's parents suggested that we move in with them I felt all of the above being threatened. I know its silly and may not make sense to other people, but this is the way I am and the person who I have grown to be.

But over time I have also realised that everyone needs to change and compromise and do things that are best not just for myself, but for everyone.

...

So of course I agreed that I would go and live with Rob in his parents house. It is sort of temporary, until perhaps we can save enough money and Rob finds a good job. But it may mean having to live with the baby there too. Which is ok.

There is also one more thing I would like to stress, and that is, that when we made the decision to keep the baby, I in no way expected anyone to be there to palm the baby off too. I made the decision to have a baby in full knowledge that it is MY baby, and I will have to look after it. I felt that at this stage in my life, I would be able to do this. And in no way felt that I could just rely on other people to do the hard work for me. But at the same time I am very grateful for all the help and support that has been offered.

So that's about it for now.

I shall update later with photos and other goings on. PROMS.

p.s I was a little worried that my blog is getting boring, or that it is changing from what is originally was, about thoughts and feelings, to just a report of what I have been doing. I can't really tell what is going on. I guess because I keep on doing things I feel like talking about them, but perhaps I am taking up too much time explaining all of that, and not just concentrating on my silly little worries and feelings.

What do you think? Has it changed, is it getting boring? TELL ME!

oh and p.p.s

I'm going to blame these personality traits on being a capricorn.

25 August 2010

The Sprout and the Bean

So hi, I feel bad, I've been away for so long.

There has just been a lot of things going on, you know!

...

So firstly Greenman I suppose?

It was amazing! Once again! It was very very nice indeed to be with all of my lovely friends again, as it is only a very rare occasion that we are all in the same place for a few days together. I arrived with Jonny, Owen and Tilly, and we set up the beast of the tent, me and Tilly made an excellent boudoir, then we went into town to get supplies. After this it started raining, and didn't really stop that much all evening. Later Robyn, Lucy and Steve arrived, and we all sat in this big tent called Chai Wallahs talking and drinking tea (me) oh and Anna was there too!
I went ot bed quite early that night, and left everyone else to it to have fun dancing and what not...

On Friday we went to set up camp in the Far Out tent, which is the second main stage. Here we just lay in the dry listening to the first bands on. The rest of the day followed like this, the bands we saw were:
plank
matthew & the atlas
fionn regan
beirut

I was terribly excited about seeing beirut again, as I've not seen them since Roskilde, about 3 years ago. I haven't really listened to them that much either, and wowed and wooed by them all over again.

I went to bed pretty early again, whilst everyone stayed up dancing and drinking, again.

On Saturday Tilly and I got up and went with Robyn for a cooked breakfast. Me and Tilly then went to the cinema tent to meet Anna and to watch Ponyo, the latest Sutdio Ghibli film, which as soon as we started watching it, I realised that I've seen it before, but not all of it, but I really can't remember where and when I saw it? Anyone else know?

I can't really remember what else we did, I imagine we walked around quite a bit, in Einsteins garden, where they have lots of Eco projects and products and all that stuff, oh and hula hoops, not the crisps. I think it rained a bit on Saturday too.

The bands I saw were:

Johnny Flynn
First Aid Kit
The Unthanks
The Flaming Lips

Johnny Flynn and First Aid Kit were amazing, especially the latter, as I don't know them very well, but they were perfect to see live. The Flaming lips were entertaining, as they put on a massive show with lots of confetti and lasers and such, but in the end they just really pissed me off, because their music is rubbish, and I feel a band shouldn't need all those distractions and showy waste of money gimics, if their music was actually good. Boring!

I'm sure I must have seen more music than that, but I was probably busy eating. This is pretty much all I did at Greenman, was eat, talk about eating and thinking about eating. I ate:

A pieminister pie
A burritto
cooked breakfast
moroccan bureka filled with falafel
pizza
soup
chips
fruit
tartifelette with a sausage
a sausage in a bun
cake
veg noodles
lot of hula hoops (this time the crisps)
baby bels
and probably more that I can't remember

Anyways, on Sunday it was actually sunny, so I imagine we just walked around quite a bit. I then treated myself to a massage, a special pregnancy massage, where she massaged my belly too. I love massages, and massages at festivals always feel like an even bigger treat! And treated I was!

We also played scrabble, because it was scrabble sunday (obvs) and these lovely people were letting people borrow scrabble boards to play for free. It was a very enjoyable way to spend a Sunday morning.

I saw:

Laura Marling
The Tallest Man on Earth
Joanna Newsom

All of whom were so so so good, Laura Marling was lovely, The tallest man on earth blew me away, again. And Joanna, oh Joanna. I loved it, even though it was raining, I didnt have my waterproof, and had terribly body ache. But hopefully I will go see her in Bristol on the 16th. Anyone want to come with me? If not it's just me and the Peach. Sitting in the dry, dieing over Joanna. (Not really dieing, durrrs)

I'm really sure I saw much more music than this? I did, but perhaps it wasn't fully concentrated on. Oh other than half of Efterklang, who I wish wish wish were not on at the same time as Joanna, because they are horribly good live. GOD DAMN. (and they were playing inside)

...

Anyway all in all I had a lovely time. It was so nice to be around friends again, old friends, not so old friends, and festival regulars...one big happy family once again! hah!

Talking of families, there were so many babies and families at the festivals. It made me very excited! Perhaps I could even go next year with le peach and see if it likes it! (I'm excited for next week to know the sex so I don't have to call it, 'it' anymore) I got extremely broody.

Also there were preggers women, more preggers than me. But at least I'm showing a little bit now. And had many a belly rub from friends, and one not so welcomed rub from someone I didn't know, but knew people I used to know. Long story, can't be bovved to go into it now.

ALSO, also I think I felt the peach moving around. I mainly felt it to the right of my stomach, and when I was watching The tallest man on earth and Beirut, I felt it. At least the baby has good taste in music! I was thinking whilst I was watching amazing people that my baby was very privileged, as I have had to wait until now to see these people live, and the baby got to hear them before it was even born. It's going to have a pretty good gig list when it comes out...oh dear, I sound like a weirdo. I think that made more sense in my head...

...

Anyways, I'm going to leave it there for now. There is so much more to report, but I don't think anyone wants to read that much in one go. Also I can't really be bothered to write any more.

But stay tuned for:

flat hunting in bristol
funerals
family
money worries
job hunting
grumblings about things
and pictures of my stomach
and most importantly pictures of the most amazing purchase ever!

p.s I was 19 weeks yesterday. One week til the next scan, one week til we know what it is and one week until I see our baby swimming around again, and will be hopefully reassured that it has everything in the right place, and it all fine. Fingers Crossed.

Oh what's that, my bath is nearly ready? Of course, isn't it always?

24 August 2010

Mustard

Hello, I'm back! I had a lovely lovely time at Greenman, even though it was raining and muddy! I can't believe its over already! My last ever festival just me!

We found out yesterday that Rob didn't get the job in Cardiff, which is a bit of a shame, but is ok. At least it means we can live in Bristol, which I'm very excited about because I have wanted to live in Bristol for a very long while!

This week is going to be really busy, but I will try and update properly soon!

We've got to go on house/job search overdrive to find something!

...

All in all I'm very happy, tired, and have been craving mustard, alot.

p.s my stomach's getting bigger, I shall show in another post soon! proms x

18 August 2010

My restless legs

hiii!

Sorry I haven't been writing very much, I've been ever so busy..

So today is Wednesday, and tomorrow I'm going to Greenman! How very exciting!

...

On Monday I visited Lincoln with mum and Andy. I had to go to the dentist (which I had not been to for about 4 or 5 years..) I usually really like hte dentist, but this time I didn't, mainly because they cleaned my teeth, and the dentist was this really stern German or Russian lady, who I couldn't understand...

Before I went to the dentist we went for lunch at the Cheese restaurant. It was amazing, I had a home-made beef burger, and amazing skinny fries...mmm, but it was a bit of a torture because of all the amazing sounding dishes with cheese I can't eat.

After this we went into an independent baby shop, where they had lots of lovely clothes and expensive accessories. They also had maternity bras which me and my mum were just browsing over, but the sales lady was very helpful, and I ended up trying on lots of bras. The only thing was, it that I am aware that my boobs have got larger, but didn't realise that they had got THAT large. I used to be fairly small, a b-c but she had me trying on dd-e cup bras, I mean MASSIVE bazooka sized boobies! woowwwzaaas...But she persuaded us to buy two, which we did, so I now own two maternity bras, which will also be nursing bras...

After this we then went on a bit of a baby shop trail...my mum leading the way. First we went to boots where we tried out pushchairs, and then got lured over to the sale baby clothes. We again bought some more, and accidentally bought more, yes more in blue, I don't know what it's going to be like if its a girl. My mum was getting quite excited by it all...then we visited mothercare, and finally Mama's and Papas, where I realised I will never be able to afford anything from, ever. But all the stuff was lovely..I have my eye on this very sweet bear suit, for the winter..

...

On Tuesday I drove to Cardiff, and it was actually very nice to be in Wales again. I had to race against the clock, because as I'm a complete ditz at the moment I had to go bac kto my mums after I'd alreadly left, as I forgot on of my frames for the exhibition. I'm getting quite sick of my brain not working properly. It feels as though I've got hangover brain, and I've had it for about 4 months..not good.

the reason I was trying to get there was because Rob and I were going to look at houses. The first 3 we saw were not very nice, just the typical shit house that they pass for liveable in Cardiff. The fourth one we went to see was in a nicer location, right by the park, and the houses are old and amazing. But literally just as we were about to go and see it, after we had waiting in the park for about half an hour, they called and said that someone had just taken it...boo bloody hoo, I was mostly annoyed because I really wanted to see what the house looked like inside, out of curiosity. Bugs.

The last house we went to see is in a area that I don't know so well, but the flat was quite nice, not amazing, but the location was really nice, on a lovely street with lots of trees and a big park right at the end of the road. So we shall see. We just went to look at a few, just to see what was out there really.

The main reason to go to Cardiff was to meet Rob after his interview at the hospital. He thinks that it went ok, and should hear in the next couple of days, so fingers crossed!

...

Today we went to John Lewis and played with pushchairs. It was fun.

And this evening we went to a pub quiz. It was also fun.

We also ate pizza, I had halloumi and artichoke and pepper pizza. It was nice.

...

So tomorrow is Greenman, I won't be back until Monday, so this rubbish post will have to be all there is.

There is no other news other than my boobies getting bigger, and my stomach getting bigger.

Oh I also get really annoying restless leg muscles, that make it really difficult to lie down and relax. Not so good.

Goodnight!

15 August 2010

...

Bonjour!

Today I have not much to report. I feel a little unsure of what to write, nothing much is going on really, I'm just working, and not working. I don't do much in the evenings because I'm generally quite tired, so I usually eat dinner, watch tv, have a bath, speak to Rob on skype, then go to sleep. Envious lifestyle I know. I feel that I'm at a particularly boring part of pregnancy, with not many changes either. I'll just have to be patient, as will you, my dear readers.

I even had to make a list of potential things to talk about, like cue cards or something!

...

This weekend, well Friday and Saturday I went to Saffron Walden. I drove there on Friday the 13th, and I do not think I will ever attempt to travel on this day again. It took so long because of roadworks and queues. It was also raining the whole way down. I don't mind driving in the rain, in fact I quite like it, you can drive slower. Also it reminds me of being a child, and I always feel really cosy and comfortable travelling in a car when its raining. It's one of my favourite things about driving, another is driving at night on non main roads, and being able to use my full beams. I really like it, but get annoyed if I catch up with someone in front, then it's their turn to use them.

Anyways, Jonny is back living in Saffron Walden, so I went to see him. I wish I could be with him in Saffron Walden, like the good old days when we were both unemployed, and watched John Hughes movies, nighty night, the mighty boosh, the smoking room (oh bbc3 how good you used to be!) and other 80's movies in my basement. We went to some charity shops, and then to the Mocha for milkshakes.

The reason for going to Saffron Walden was to get the tent I'm borrowing from my dad for Greenman next week. The tent is a beast. An 8 man tent, with a big middle bit which you can stand up in. My dad showed us how to put it up, and to do this we had to go round his friends house with a big enough garden! We went to Grahams house, which my friend Kate who I have known since infant school lives, and before that it was my friend Catherine's house, who was my best friend from as long as I can remember. Anyway it was really weird going back to the garden, because that's where I spent lots of my childhood. We used to dig up worms in the mud, and make dens in the middle of this tree and bushes. The garden was a lot smaller than I remembered, but I guess it seemed bigger when I was little...

...From previous festivals I have always admired big tents that other people had, and this time the privilege shall be ours. How exciting! I am very excited for Greenman. I feel I need a break in my routine that I have here, and have a bit of fun before everything gets a bit more serious. This will be my last festival as a single person, with no little brat to think of. (hah!) I think I have done quite well though, considering I went to my first festival at about age 14, wowee that's nearly 10 years ago! (It was Reading by the way) And this is the first time most of us will have been at a festival together since glorious Glade, Oh I'm so very very VERY excited!!

On Saturday me and Jonny went to Cambridge for something to do. We treated ourselves and ate at Wagamama. I have been craving good noodle soup for ages, and had Raman noodles in a vegetable broth with chicken breast. It was exactly what I had been craving. Whilst eating me and Jonny reminisced about food we ate in Nepal and India, and all the good places we went and what we saw together. I love thinking about when I was away, and it's very special to be able to have shared that with a good friend like Jonny. Because I know that he holds the same memories as me, and they are good memories, and once in a lifetime experiences. And certainly some that I won't be able to repeat in the same way, what with this new addition to my life coming quite soon.

But we did talk about future travelling, and even though I probably wouldn't be able to do some of the things I would be able to do if I didn't have a child, like go away for 6 months again..It doesn't mean that I won't be able to do any travelling of any kind. It will just be a different kind of travelling, but no less rewarding and exciting I imagine. I still really want to go to Iceland, and also really really want to go to Boston and New York, preferably in the autumn. Also I would love to drive around New Zealand. I think all of these things I could do with a small child, and would be an amazing experience. Also when the child is older there is no reason why we couldn't do some more travelling.

...

So this post has turned out to be quite long, as they always do because I just keep going on and on.

Rob's interview is on Tuesday, so everyone wish that he does well, as I think it's an amazing oppourtunity for him, and he will do really well, and it will be good for him.

Then hopefully we can start to plan what is going to happen. I'm really bloody sick of not knowing, or having to answer the same questions over and over again of where I'm going to be, and what we're going to be doing, because until we know the outcome of the interview then I don't have a clue! And it's driving me crazy! But it was nice to come back to my Mums last night, I missed it a bit! Also I got a bit sad about when me and Rob finally do move somewhere I won't be living with my mum or near her, because I have quite enjoyed staying with her. Oh she has made a cot quilt for the bebe, and is on her second one now, I shall take some photos when I have some time..

...

Anyway I think I shall leave it there as I don't have much to say ( I managed to stretch out the little I did have to say into quite a lot)

I'll leave you to look at my stomach (you lucky things)



17.3 weeks



Tomorrow I got to the dentist (woohoo) I love going to the dentist, and its been about 4 years...whoooooops!

Adois!

x

p.s Playing Mumford and Sons to the peach, who will be able to hear them live next week!!

14 August 2010

Bad dreams

Yesterday was a sad day, I found out that the lovely house I liked has been rented already...boo..
I knew that it would! I hope they have a miserable time in it, whoever dared to rent it.

ohs wells, plenty of other houses right?

...

On other news I've been having more strange preggo dreams. Not very nice ones either.

The first one was last week sometime, and was about me trying to get hold of the midwife. I was on this sort of roof thing, but then there was a bit with lots of beds. Anyway, I was bleeding a bit, and kept on trying to get hold of the midwife on the phone, but couldn't. Then I finally did, but there was loads of other people on the line at the same time, but it was urgent so I just had to talk to her with everyone else listening. She said that because I was bleeding I would have to have an abortion. It was really horrible, and I woke up after that.

The next one was this week I think, and I was in China or somewhere like that, but it was really snowy and cold. We were going to watch the Olympics or some event, and I was in the toilets before going into the stadium. I was with some people I used to know from school, ages ago. When I was in the toilets I noticed that I was bleeding lots again, and realised that I must be having a miscarriage. It was horrible, and I couldn't really tell anyone about it. I just really wanted to go home, but couldn't get a taxi. I can't remember what happened after that.

The last one was recently, the night before last? In my dream I woke up and my mum said "oh you're awake, here's your baby". She pulled it out of a cupboard by its head, and it was all slightly blue and weird looking, and she was shaking it about, trying to make it cry. Then she did, and she gave it to me and I held it. It was really really small. Then I tried to breastfeed it, but I couldn't do it because I hadn't had any classes in it yet, and then I thought that I couldn't do any of it because it was all too early.
After this the baby turned into this really small black bug, and I kept on loosing it, then finding it in my clothes or on my arm...

So those were my not very nice strange dreams, about abortion, miscarriage and premature birth. Perhaps I'm worried about something?

...

I'm going down to Cardiff on Tuesday to meet Rob after his interview, and we are going to look round some other flats and houses, just in case. Then I'm off to Greenman on Thursday, which I am very excited about, and very in need of. It will be nice to have time away from everything, just watching good music, and being with my dearest friends. And hopefully it won't rain!

...

I don't have much to say. Bugs it's been a week since I last did a belly photo...guess I'd better do one of those today. I will post it later.

x

11 August 2010

Hi


One more thing, I thought I would properly introduce us, as the photo I put up of Rob is not so good..

I think this one is funny, don't we look thrilled?

Parents.to.be

(oh dear)

Que?

I'm not sure, I might have just felt movements.

Or I have indigestion.

But it felt a bit different to indigestion, more tumbly, if that makes sense. And also it was quite a sharp feeling. I'll just have to see if it happens again.

...

My topshop package came for me today, woohoo, more maternity clothes, which amazingly enough all fit perfectly, and are lovely! (I promise promise I will do a full update, now I have all my new clothes)

...

Vic has been visiting, but alas I have not seen much of her as I have been working. But last night I gave her some of my old clothes, mainly skirts, which are high-waisted, or just the wrong shape, and alas, too small for me now. It made me sad going through all the clothes I love but can't wear anymore. (I'm only loaning them to her whilst I'm a whale) then I'm having them straight back again when I can squeeeeeeze into them. It's weird, it felt like I was giving away part of myself, my old self, because I love these clothes, and they make me feel like me, and I was very comfortable in what I used to wear. But at least they are going to be worn, rather than just sitting gathering dust. But I do so hope I still love them when I can fit into them...

One thing I found in my wardrobe is my tweed cape coat, and it made me want it to be autumn so I can wear coats and tights...

...

I showed Vic my scan photos and we were talking about the bebe, and she asked whether it was weird to think of it inside me, and I asked her whether it was weird thinking that there was something inside of me...hah that sounds weird. But she said the strangest thought to her, is that in a year from now there is going to be someone who she is going to know really well, for her whole life, who isn't here yet. I think its a really interesting thing to think about, and for me, there is this person who I'm going to know so much about, and be really close to, and think about for the rest of my life, but I haven't met them, and I don't know who they are yet. I don't even know if it's a boy or a girl.

I can't wait to see what it looks like, or who, and watch its face change over the years, and for it to define its personality.

How bloody exciting.

...

Oh by the way, I have a horrid tension headache AGAIN...

Guten Nacht.

09 August 2010

Names

Since I'm on a weird obsessive streak at the moment, I thought I would share with you the baby names that I like.

So girls names:

Orla
Orla \o-rla, or-la\ is pronounced OR-lah. It is of Irish, Gaelic and Celtic origin, and the meaning of Orla is "golden queen".

Alma
Alma is a variant of the name Amalia, meaning 'nourishing', 'kind', 'imitating', 'rivaling' (Latin), 'girl', 'secret', 'maiden' (Hebrew), 'soul' (Italian) and 'work' (Gothic).

Arwen
From Celtic origin meaning 'berry, fruit' this name is chiefly used in Welsh.

Leila
The girl's name Leila \le(i)-la\ is pronounced LEE-lah, LAY-lah, LYE-lah. It is of Arabic origin, and the meaning of Leila is "night beauty". Used by authors for the names of exotic female characters in the early 19th century. The name is popular in the Middle East.

and for a middle name I really like

Iona
Predominately used in English and Scottish, meaning 'violet' and 'island'.


And for boys names:

Noah
A biblical name meaning 'comfort' or 'rest'. Hebrew

Rohan
From Celtic origin meaning little ruddy one, little red-haired one

Evan
The anglicized form of the Welsh Iefan, derived from the name John, meaning 'god has given' or 'god is gracious'. Hebrew

Arthur (my mums favourite)
From the words 'art' - means 'stone' or 'artus' which means 'bear'. Celtic

Alfie
Mainly used in the English and Spanish languages, the name 'Alfie' means 'noble and ready'. Gothic

And for a middle name:

Reid
A variation of the popular Scottish name Reed, refering to the plants of the same name or the color red, or 'cleared land'. English



08 August 2010

True Love

I've fallen in love.

Me and Rob have been casually looking at houses and flats on the internet for a while now, and have seen some nice ones, but today, I met the house of my dreams. It was love at first sight. I wish I could go back to that moment when I first laid eyes on it, and with every picture I clicked through, my heart fell deeper in love.

I won't waste any more of your time, I'll just introduce you yourself:















Please note the original wooden floors, the fireplaces, the big bathroom, the bay window, the garden, the kitchen (with amazing green walls), the dining room, oh and the conservatory.

I want it, and I want it now. I wish wish wish that we could know what we are doing, because I have already started to imagine us living there, and living there with bebe..

I've gone mad, and really must stop obsessing.

Goodnight.

(p.s please can everyone wish and hope and cross everything they have that Rob gets his job, and we can get this house, thanks)

07 August 2010

My worried shoes




hi!

Today's post is going to be pretty pointless, as I have not done much today. Well I've done a lot of the things I needed to do, I even made a list, and completed ALL of my tasks! (I had 14 things to do, which included going to post letters and hoovering and washing my car!)

Not that this a great achievement, but there were just lots of little things that needed to be done, that I've not had time to do. This was my admin day.

(I also drew a face on my belly, whilst I was talking to my sister on skype, we laughed)
...

I couldn't be bothered to take pictures of my clothes that I bought, I was tired, ok? After cleaning my car I realised that it was actually quite late, so i lay on the sofa and watched grand designs.

Oh my favourite Grand designs was on the other week, the one where the man builds his house in his woodland, out of all natural things, and all the wood coming from his own woodland. He's a master carpenter and builds it using traditional methods and volunteers. It's probably the most beautiful house I've even seen on grand designs. And when Kevin, hi Kevin, goes back a year and a half later, he has a wife and a baby. I cried.

You know what else I cried at the other day, I have been watching all of the old series's of Teachers on 4od, and in the last episode of the 1st series one of the students gives birth, I cried then. I've been crying a lot recently, it would seem....

I had a really horrible dream last night, that consisted of me trying to get hold of a midwife fro ages on the phone, and it involved some blood, and the midwife saying that there was no choice but to have an abortion. Sorry this is a bit graphic, perhaps I shouldn't share this. But I woke up and it was really horrible. I was also having stomach pains, down my left side, which I've had recently, but when I asked about it at my appointment, the midwife said it's just my ligaments stretching.

So last night when I woke up at 5.30 I couldn't get back to sleep, so I checked on the internet for symptoms and things like. It's weird, if you have some symptoms like slight cramps or a tiny bit of bleeding, then its nothing, and is normal, but it could also mean that there is something seriously wrong. There's just no way of knowing. So I was reassured that I was fine, but also started to worry that if things got worse, then it would mean there was something wrong. There is a very thin line between ok, and not ok.

To be honest I'm terrified, as I'm sure most women in my position are, of things going wrong. I know now that I'm 4 months now things should be more guaranteed that its going to be ok, but I still worry that it's not, and I know that things can go wrong. I know this is probably just the start of a lifetime of worrying about this child, if it makes it to the outside.

Anyway enough with the worrying, worrying never gets you anywhere. I did phone the midwife today though to check everything was ok. She said that all my blood test results were fine, and just to monitor things, and I can always call my doctors if I think something is wrong.

...

I didn't take photos of clothes, but I took ones of my stomach. Not that much has changed in a week.

I'm starting to get impatient. I want a belly and I want it now. It's weird to say, but I get jealous when I see women with pregnant belly's. It's like then it's real and it's there.

Before I was pregnant I never realised that actually you spend over half of it not really showing that you are pregnant. I just assumed, from my knowledge gathered from films and tv, that once you were pregnant, then boom there's a belly ( much like in the sims when they get pregnant, it just pops out after they get out of bed in the middle of the night and time goes slowly)

This is all very silly, but it seems as though things are going really slowly for me. I want a belly, I want to feel the baby moving, I want to know the gender, I want it to be September so I can live with Rob and we can go through this together like a real couple who are having a baby together. But it's always so long away. I know I won't be saying this soon, and I should be relishing the last of my free time EVER, but its frustrating.

This post was supposed to be short. But it's just ended up with me worrying and moaning. Aren't I delightful?


The only thing I have noticed about my belly is that it's getting more like the size it was before when I pushed my stomach out, but that's its normal sticky outness, does that makes sense. Who cares!

Oh and these are my new pyjamas, £2 from Primark, and in size 18, so you know I can grow..eventually.

I played my belly Fionn Regan today (old album) and Karon O and a the kids, where the wild things are soundtrack.

Can't think of anything else to say right now. So I think I'll leave it there, and save some more witty banter and pearls of wisdom for my next post! How exciting!

Goodnight!

06 August 2010

cry baby

Yesterday I cried at work, it was uncontrollable, and lasted for ages, I had to lock myself in the toilet for about 15 minutes.

It wasn't very serious, just a series of events really.

The day started fine, I was in the deli part of the shop, but went over to the cafe to have some toast in the morning, I usually do this, as I eat breakfast about 8, then get hungry about 11 (normal right?)
These two women were working in the cafe, both of who I've worked with before, but I'm not sure whether I've worked with them both together before. Anyway, they sort of said little jokey things about me eating. Also I yawned once and they said "oh tired are we?", I said a bit, then the old lady said "oh I never got tired when I was pregnant". Just little comments that I felt were a bit diggy.

I was having a completely ditzy day, where my brain failed to form sentences properly, and just generally work like it should. At lunchtime I went over to the cafe to help out there because the shop was quiet, and just had a horrible feeling that the two ladies were ganging up on me, and talking about me. At one point the chef accidentally fried an egg wrong and offered it to all of us. I didn't really want it, but one of the ladies said 'Oh Abbi will have it' and practically forced it down my throat.

About an hour after this, I ordered my lunch (which was Salmon, spinach and tomato pasta, very nice) and one of the ladies said, "oh no wonder you are getting a bigger stomach" (she knows I'm pregnant) and the other old lady said "oh eating again are we?". Both comments I ignored but made me feel horrible. After I had finished eating I went to put the plate in the washing up, and was by the bin, when the paper towel holder casing fell open and hit me on the head. It didn't hurt, I think it was just the shock, but that started the tears that had been threatening all day. So i went to the toilet and stayed there until I looked awful, with red puffy eyes and face. Then I spoke to Ros and she was really nice about it, and said I could go home if I liked because it was quiet.

Ros (the boss) is so lovely about all of this, and is really understanding, and always encourages me to eat or have a sit down, but I just felt as thought the other two were just judging me and thinking I was pathetic.

Also I think I'm really sensitive at the moment about my weight. I'm not used to my body being like this, and changing, so when people comment about it, people who I hardly know, it makes me feel bad.

I don't particularly feel like myself at the moment, and I'm finding it hard with clothes and finding things to wear that make me feel like me. I know this sounds silly, but it's quite important to me, and makes me feel strange and a bit down when all of my old clothes look weird on me, or just make me feel fat. Also I was still tired from all the driving I did the day before, also probably a bit emotional about having to leave Rob again, and knowing that I'm not going to see him for another 2 weeks. Also hearing the heartbeat of the baby was quite emotional and not being able to share it with Rob was not very nice. I wish he could have been there.

So all in all just a bit of a hormonal, sensitive day, made worse by two women, probably not intentionally being nasty, but just saying things perhaps they shouldn't of.

But all was well when I got home, I had a nice talk to Mum and Andy about it and felt better. Then we all went swimming, and after went for Wetherspoons curry night...mmm

...

I had work again this morning, and one of the ladies was in, the younger of the two. She asked me if I was ok yesterday, and I explained that some of the things she said were a bit hurtful and that I was sensitive to some things. She was quite nice to me for the rest of the day, which was horribly busy for most of it.

...

Not much else to say really, just thought I would relay all of that for you. Not very interesting!

p.s will do a new clothes post tomorrow! I have a day off!

04 August 2010

Heartbeat

Why hello there! I do so sincerely apologize for my absence a la posting, but I have been enjoying myself with my dear boyfriend Robert.

So lets see, where were we....Sunday! yes!

So on Sunday, Mother woke me early as we were going to go to the car boot sales. The first one we went to wasn't so great, not many stalls at all, about 10? But I managed to pick up Scatagories, woohoo! Then I treated Mum and Andy to a Wetherspoons breakfast (generous, I know).

After that we went to another car boot sale, and this one was much better, lots and lots of stalls, and right at the end, so we could score some good bargains! We bought:

baby bath
a few more baby grows
10,000 pairs of tiny little baby socks
and a shirt for Rob

There were prams and moses baskets, but all not the best condition, and it's too early really to be buying stuff like that.

But it was fun, I get very excited about car boot sales!
...

Then I drove down to Bristol to meet Rob after work. I'm getting horribly ditzy of late, and got completly lost in Bristol looking for a carpark, and went round in circles, but eventually found one!

Then we met, and had a lovely long hug, and Rob was suprised about how much I had grown! It was very nice to see him after two weeks!
He then treated me to dinner at the Gourmet Burger Kitchen, which was very nice, and then we went to see Inception. It was amazing, one of the best films I have seen in a long long long while, and just confirmed to me that Leonardo DiCaprio is pretty much my favourite actor. Me and Rob were both sitting on the edges of our seats for the about the last 45 mins of it!

I love going to the cinema, especially when you see amazing films. Rob kept on absent mindedly rubbing my belly, which is very nice indeed.

...

On Monday we went to Bath, with Rob's mum for a little day out. I have never been to Bath, so I suggested to Rob that we went, and he invited his mum along, which was scary, but really nice in the end! We just walked around the centre, looked in some shops, then went for a picnic in Victoria park, and walked past all the amazing Georgian town houses, that are huge and beautiful. I bought some maternity clothes in Gap in the sale, and even though they are a bit big for me (room to grow don't you know) I am now the proud owner of some maternity jeans, with elastic waistband and all.

When we were in Gap I went to try on some clothes, and when I came out Rob and his mum were looking at baby clothes together. It was very sweet to see.

In the evening I went to meet some of Rob's friends from school. I was pretty daunted at first, but it was fine, no better than fine, I had a very enjoyable evening indeed. His friends were funny and nice, and very boyish.

When we got back I was horribly tired, and promptly fell asleep, I only woke slightly when Rob got into bed, kissed me on the head and thanked me for the evening.

...

On Tuesday we went charity shop shopping, and Rob, without my encouragment, bought his first baby grow. We also went into a proper baby shop, with amazingly sweet clothes, mostly organic and all lovely stuff like that, most of which was horribly expensive, but it's nice to look no?

Then we ate at my favourite place, Pie Minister, where I had to be forced out of my comfort zone, of always having my favourite, the Heidi Pie (goats cheese and sweet potato) because I can't eat goats cheese anymore, but it's good to change. I had a chilli bean and butternut squash one in the end, which was amazing! These really are the best pies in the world.

Here are some bad quality photos for you to feast your eyes on:


Let me also take this opportunity to introduce the father to be himself, looking rather happy about consuming his pie:

So what else happened? This is hard stuff relaying all these events.

Well, yes, after this we walked into the centre, oh yeh, we stopped at another charity shop, where I was trying stuff on, and Rob bumped into a mother of a friend he used to go to school with. She was very nice, and Rob told her about us and the baby to be, and she was very good about it, and excited, and supportive and funny!

Then I met with my friend Llio, for a little bit more shopping, and I made my first ever Urban Outfitters purchase! How exciting! (I will perhaps do a post tomorrow about the new clothes I bought, as I guess they are somewhat baby related?)
It was lovely seeing my dear Llio, as I have not seen her much, since we used to live together. She said she is an avid reader of my blog so Hello Llio!

After shopping we went to our friend Kyles flat (hi kyle) and met up with other old uni friends, of whom Rob used to live with. Then we all went to Wetherspoons for Steak night, and I ate my first steak in a long long while, and well, quite enjoyed it. It was really nice catching up with everyone, and being around friends again, it's been a while!

Everyone talked quite a bit about baby stuff, it's nice to have everything out in the open now, and not make up silly excuses about not drinking and things like that! I get the feeling that most of Rob's boy friends want the baby to be a boy..

...

This is a very long post, but we are nearly there.

So today, today I drove back from Bristol, to attend my 16 week check up with the midwife. All is well and my blood pressure is normal. I also go a chance to listen to the baby's heart beat! I didn't even know that this was possible, so it was a lovely surprise! The midwife told me that if we didn't hear anything, not to worry, because it may just be in the wrong position. But as soon as she put the soundy thing on my belly you could hear it straight away, beating very fast (babies heart beats are much fast than our own, over 100 bmp)

It was lovely, as I have started to get a little worried that it is still there, and the next scan is a month away. But this reassured me for a while.

I have yet to feel it move properly, but as we write this, I'm playing it music through headphones on my stomach, Laura Marling to be precise, I thought she was a good introduction to the musical world. I hope the peach can hear it, and I do so hope it likes it. (Apparently music stimulates the baby, in case you were wondering why I was doing this, and if I had gone mad)

...

So that's about it really. Other that when I got home my mum had made AMAZING chocolate brownies.

I'm going to have a bath.

Good night!

(p.s I just wanted to say thank you for everyone who does read my weird ramblings, its very nice to hear that people are actually interested!)
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